Patience Pays Off

I am a very impatient person. When driving, I am that person who goes around a stopped line of cars and takes another street. Even when people tell me stories, if they drag out too long, I get impatient, and tune out until I hear something important. I am just not the patient type. In fact, I am one of the most impatient people you'll ever meet.

So you can't imagine when Matt and I discovered we had mutual feelings how impatient I became. I mean, waiting a week is a long time for me, but three weeks is unheard of for me. But you know what, waiting is exactly what I needed. I was able to get to know him better before actually dating, just to see if we'd be compatible. Looks like we get along pretty well.

At any rate, I am not one for labels. In fact, I have a hard time saying I have a best friend, because I think you can have many close friends without one "best" friend. However, when someone is part of your life all day everyday, you want to tell people about him. But what do you call him? A good friend? People, especially my girl friends, wouldn't believe me.

That's why I was so darn impatient with Matt asking me to be his girlfriend, because I wanted to tell the world about him, but had no clue how to explain what he was to me. Boyfriend is much easier.

I really needed this time to reflect on what I truly want in a future husband. I realize that is far from now, but I feel that dating is to find "the one," so I might want to date someone I can at least see somewhat of a future with. It's amazing how God places people in your life and it's your job to find out what purpose they are to serve in your life and what purpose you are serve in theirs. That's what every relationship is about: finding out what we can do to boost the other person while also growing spiritually ourselves.

I really feel like post was not my greatest. It was a collection of thoughts, with no apparent order or organization, which is not my personality. I guess sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone and do things differently.

Bowling and a Blast from the Past

I cannot believe it is already Tuesday evening. I feel like the last couple of days have been flying by, that I can hardly keep track of what each day entails.

I bowled for the first time in six months today. That is unacceptable. I should never go that long without bowling again. Nick texted me over the weekend to see if I wanted to go bowling with him in the coming week. Of course I said yes, because it had been too long that my poor bowling ball had sat in my trunk.

We met at Merle Hay Lanes tonight just after 8:00 p.m. when all games are just $1. What a great deal! Nick brought Tyler, his roommate and Esther, another Drake student that I've never met before, but she was great to be around. Then of course, Kody and Eryn came with me, because we are inseparable it feels like.

My first game didn't go so well. In fact, it was horrible. I still had fun, but it was embarrassing how rusty I was. My second game went much better, more like how I am used to bowling. I plan to go more often this summer, especially with the great deal.

Tonight was great for more than just bowling. I had a major "thing" for Nick during the semester. I mean, he was a great guy and we were very close. I can definitely say he was my closest friend for the entire spring semester.

But when I saw him today, though he hadn't changed, he was just another guy to me. You would have never thought I had feelings for him in the past. It was such a release. The best part about this, is that my attention was more glued to Matt through text than I ever paid to Nick in person. Nick was nothing compared to Matt and I don't understand how I didn't see that. Nick is a great guy and will make some girl happy, but I definitely will not be that girl, and I am thankful for that. I am a happily preoccupied at the moment with undoubtedly the greatest guy I have ever met.

When Matt came into the picture, I had completely forgotten about Nick or any other guy I've ever talked to really. I know that's a good sign. I realize there are many things to get across, but that's the fun part of relationships. It's a blast getting to know someone inside and out, while learning more about yourself in the process. I gotta say, if time stopped right now, I would be 100% happy.

Living the Life of a Type A Person

I am the epitome of Type A.

My closet is organized by color. I make a daily list of things to do and must cross each item off before bed. I have a problem with sitting still or being unproductive because I don't want to waste my time. Even my blood type is A+. I cannot get away from it.

Let's touch on the incapability to sit still or be unproductive a little more. At work, I am usually left with nothing to do for long periods of time. I fill the time in the best way I see fit, but sometimes, it still leaves me with nothing to do. For instance, in the past week alone, I have cleaned my entire cubicle, inside and out. This included finding file folders, organizing all my papers into these folders, categorizing them by importance and cleaning out a large filing cabinet to place these papers in. That's how I roll.

I even finally put my snuggie away in a drawer so people would stop commenting on how "pink" it is. I mean, I can't help that hot pink happens to be one of my favorite colors. I also cannot help that my father knows this, so every purchase he makes for me will be hot pink, if there is an option for it.

Another thing about being Type A is that I do not enjoy putting things off until the last minute. For me, early is on time and on time is late. At work, since I am usually the last step in any process, I must wait on others to send me their things. At times, this makes me nervous. Other times, I get frustrated (though I'm working on it) because I am waiting for someone else to do their job so I can do mine.

Working in corporate America makes me realize how much I don't enjoy it. Sure, you can dress cute everyday (the biggest perk) and companies are well-established so they offer a plethora of benefits, but the "go, go, go" attitude is not for me. I am not about getting ahead of others. I'd rather do things on my own time and work with others.

If nothing else, this internship is opening my eyes to how much I don't want to work in the competitive business world, if that's God's will for my life. If He places me here, I'll suck it up and find something I love. Something like social media or human relations. I can do that.

Changing Perspectives

For the past couple of weeks, I have had a different outlook on life. It's not a drastic difference, but I am approaching situations differently than I normally would.

Let's backtrack to a little over three weeks ago. Sitting in the ER to find out I had something pretty serious wrong with me was not the highlight of that week. After the doctor left the room, I looked at Eryn, knowing she was the only person in my life at that time who I would have wanted to be hearing the news with me. I began to cry, mostly out of instinct, scared of the unknown. I had no idea how severe it was or how it could have happened. I just knew I was pretty sick and needed to get help, ASAP.

Throughout my stay, I never got scared. For the first time in my life, I realized God was in control. I am not just saying this because it sounds like what a Christian should say; I'm saying this because it's the truth. I knew if God had it planned that it was my time to join Him, I would join Him. If it wasn't my time, then He would take care of me and heal me, just as He has done. I cannot explain the feeling in words.

Before this happened, I was getting bored with my job. I was spending 5.5 hours a day doing menial work that I felt the company could live without. I felt as if they were giving me busy work and I was never really appreciated, just another employee. I mean, I am still the only one in the office not listed on the company website. That's a little disheartening.

Anyway, I was getting discouraged. However, while in the hospital, I received personal letters from four people I work with, along with a couple of magazines to keep my spirits high while there. I was surprised to get anything from my work. Not to mention, they were very receptive to me missing work. They didn't care how long I was out, as long as I was well enough before coming back to work. I also did not expect that.

Just when my spirits were down about work, God showed me how truly blessed I am to work with the great people I work with. Sure, I will not work here the rest of my life, but the relationships I've formed while working here are more meaningful than the experience from the work itself.

The third change, and probably the biggest change I've noticed, is the way I approach relationships. Before this point, I was all about finding a guy who I could have fun with and that's pretty much it. If he was attractive, that was a bonus. Nothing beyond surface level mattered to me.

After finding someone who puts God first in his relationships, my whole perspective on what I want in a relationship has changed. When you have the same passions in life and similar life goals, it is so much easier to connect. Not to mention, my patience has been tested, but strengthened through this experience. I needed that.

Prayer is also so important in relationships, which I am starting to learn. Just praying for God's will in our lives has made a substantial difference from past relationships. I've learned that there is no hurry to rush into things. In fact, why not wait awhile? If dating is to find the person you are going to marry, why not take it seriously?

Ultimately, I have trusted God more than ever recently, which is the best feeling in the world. I don't know how I didn't catch onto this earlier.

"But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him."- Jeremiah 17:7

This couldn't be more true. I am truly blessed, and trusting in the Lord just makes it more apparent.

The Wonderful World of Reading

I tell everyone I don't like reading. It's because, in my mind, I don't enjoy the act of sitting around and staring at bound sheets of paper with words printed across them. That is, until I stumble upon a book I thoroughly enjoy.

For instance, the Harry Potter series does not sound enticing. In fact, if I hadn't read the first one through peer pressure, I probably would not have even started reading the series. But I gave it a chance and was hooked. I read the fourth book, which is about 400 pages, in two days. A similar situation happened to me with the Twilight series, but instead, my best guy friend encouraged me to read it. Of course, the romance sucked me in and I enjoyed it even more than Harry Potter (don't judge until you have read both series entirely.)

Anyway, I finally received Dateable: Are You? Are They? in the mail today. In my new apartment, my mail habitually comes two days later than the expected date, so I was eagerly awaiting its arrival. Anyway, I pulled it open thinking I would read a chapter or two and put it down, like most books I read. Wrong. I really enjoyed this book. Not only is it semi-applicable to my life (it talks about preparing yourself for dating) but I almost fall in the age range of the target audience. I mean, with Harry Potter, I was probably ten years over the target audience when I read the last one.

I saw Justin Lookadoo at the state FCCLA conference in high school. At the time, I had never had a boyfriend, nor was I anywhere close to having one. But the whole idea of the "unknown" fascinated me, so I listened intently. It helps that he was a very engaging public speaker. At any rate, he pretty much told us our relationships would not last past high school, so have as much fun as we could then. At the time, it made sense and I vowed to never get serious in high school (of course, that didn't happen either. But that's another story for another blog.)

After reading just a couple of chapters, I am finding most of what the book says sounds familiar. It's always good to have a refresher, especially with a memory like mine. Even though the book is directed toward high schoolers, I can relate to much of what it is saying. You are never too old to accept advice. Plus, it is great because it is based on Christians dating Christians, which is different than the typical dating we see and hear about everyday.

I should probably wrap this one up fairly soon. I am running out of things to say and Skype is calling my name. Adios Amigos.

Music = Love

Today has just been one of those days. Everyone has them. It's just one of those days where you just cannot get enough.

"Enough of what?" you make ask.

Music.

When I pulled into my parking spot at work today, I sat in my car for an extra couple of minutes just to finish listening to the song blaring over the speakers. Yes, I listen to my music way too loud and yes, when I pull into the parking lot, anyone outside stares.

Even this morning, the first thing I did, even before grabbing my daily bowl of cereal, was turn on my iTunes and play Stars Go Dim on repeat. This band is so mellow, so easy to listen to, and just the perfect amount of "lovey duvey" lyrics to make you feel loved. The best part about this band is that many people don't even know about them. Thank you, Matt, for that suggestion. I am now borderline obsessed.

Which is something I've noticed about myself - I get obsessed with new music quickly. For instance, I listened to Carrie Underwood's "You won't find this" 83 times in a row one Saturday, because I loved it so much. (Sidenote: she is AMAZING in concert.) The obsession also happened with Holiday Parade's "Time for Me" (130 times in a row), "Nothing Personal" (108 times) and "Crimson Red" (50ish times.) Holiday Parade is just an amazingly talented band that produces amazing music.

However, the best way to enjoy music, hands down, is in concert. Goodness, I would see any band in concert once. There is just something about the atmosphere that makes you enjoy the music more. I remember the Skillet concert I went to in High School where everyone, including myself, left all sweaty because we were having such a great time enjoying the music. How can you not enjoy Skillet?

An interesting aspect of my music history, is that I just recently started getting into Christian music. Before that, I didn't take the time to listen to it. Don't get me wrong, I sang my lungs out at church every week, but I never owned any of the music. Since coming to Drake, Eryn and I have really gotten into the Christian genre. I gotta say, I love it.

I still have my secular music, like much of what I mentioned earlier, that I will continue to listen to and love. But now I have so many more bands to become obsessed with, Christian and secular. And more music can only be a good thing, right?

Evaluating a Person's Character

Even though my sister works at a magazine company, our household only subscribes to one magazine: PsychologyToday. It's clearly for me, but Eryn likes it too. (I think some days she wishes she were going into Psychology as well.)

While at the doctor's office yesterday, I read an article that made me reevaluate my life. The article, Clues to Character, gives 6 aspects of a person's life you can assess to learn more about that person's character. In case you are also interested, I'll go into detail on each one.

1. Intelligence. Not only is intelligence fairly stable over time, it gives you insight on how a person thinks. Maybe he or she is simple-minded, or evaluates every situation. Some clues to an intelligent person are if he or she makes pro/con lists and explains things clearly. I need some work on this part.
   
2. Drive. Does this person work hard in life? Is this person organized, clean, and plan for the future? If so, he or she probably has drive in his or her life. Drive is pretty easy to see in others, based on what they have done so far and what they plan to do in the future.
   
3. Happiness. Happiness is a big indicator to character. Maybe this person blames things in their life on luck or chance, or maybe on something greater. Many Christians are happy because they have a guide every step of the way. Christians know there is something greater waiting for them when they leave this Earth, so daily unhappy events don't bother us as much.
   
4. Goodness. This one is also pretty self-explanatory. Is this person giving? Does she put others before herself? I had a discussion in a class Freshman year of college based on whether it is easier to bring "good people" or "bad people" to Christ. From my personal experience the "good" non-Christians are harder to share the message with, because they believe they are already good enough to go to Heaven. I grew up with many "good" friends, but none of us were Christians. Fortunately, it worked out pretty well for me, but I can only pray God touched their lives too.
5. Friendship. This one hit me the hardest. The article talks about a person with good character is a person with many friends. I have never been a person with many friends. I have always had those close couple of friends, mainly because I am a shy person in new situations. In other words, I rarely initiate friendships.
   
6. Intimacy. In psychology, intimacy means something different than the world's view of intimacy. In psychology, it is a person's ability to trust and love others. Does this person have lasting relationships, or do they tend to fade away when friendships are tested? Does he or she feel loved? Intimacy is something you cannot determine about another person until you actually get intimate with that person.
   

After reading the article, I felt compelled to evaluate these six areas in myself. Do I really love others? Are my friendships genuine? Do I share my goodness as much as I should?

This article, as in most aspects of psychology, had nothing to do with religion. I just always relate the two, because you cannot truly learn about someone else until you know where his or her heart is spiritually. Even in my psychology classes during the semester, I was shunned twice for being a "Christian" but that just made me want to pursue it more. Why? Because I want to prove to others that God is the reason for every single thing of this world, regardless of how many people reject that idea or reject Him entirely.

Instead of getting ready for work, like I should be doing, I felt like writing. Oops. I should really get back to reality, but most times, writing is so much more enjoyable than real life. Unless it's an essay for a history class. Those are painful to write. Can you tell I am putting off my homework for this week?

An Optimistic Future

I received a phone call at work today, which I probably shouldn't have answered, but I did. I'm glad I did, because it was a phone call from an admissions counselor from Evangel University. Last night, I began looking at different Clinical Master's programs that are taught at Christian colleges and landed at Evangel's website.

They have an option at a Clinical or Counseling Psychology Master's degree, which would take 2-3 years to complete part time. I can definitely handle that workload. Not to mention, guy from Evangel whose name I cannot remember, told me I have great credentials to get in now. When I told him I have two years until I graduate, he acted shocked. I only need two more Psychology classes to get into the program, along with taking my GRE. That's very exciting. That is a prime example of how hard work pays off.

Anyway, I know I keep going back and forth with my career choice; whether I want to pursue Marketing or Psychology. I enjoy Psychology more and I feel I am better at it, but the options I searched in the past had entailed at least five years of school, full time. This option is much more reasonable and I can still pursue what I love, helping others.

In addition to this revelation, I have been in a great mood lately. I have been talking to an amazing guy who God placed in my life. Little things like late night talks and daily "good mornings" can turn an average day into something memorable. Whether we end up as friends or something more, I know God will always be in the center of it all.

He actually encouraged me to pursue the Clinical track I spoke of earlier. Sometimes it just takes an outside opinion to see something you had overlooked. That's pretty neat. :)

Tough Decisions in Life

I know this may seem trivial, but I have a problem with making decisions. So, if I write about it, maybe I can think it through better.

Here's the dilemma: I am currently a blonde, which is my natural hair color. But after looking back on pictures, I really miss my dark hair. It was just more, me. It was more innocent. So do I dye it back to dark or leave it like it is for now?

Decisions. Decisions.

As of this very moment, I am going to dye it dark in July. That will likely change several times until July rolls around, so we'll all be surprised how it turns out.

Speaking of decisions, I am still trying to decide what to do with the rest of my life. This is unlike my personality in every dimension. By now, I should have the grad school I want to attend on speed dial, a list of places I want to work at, and an idea of where I want to live. But I don't have any of that. At all. It scares me.

No matter what I try to convince myself, I always go back to wanting to work with people suffering from eating disorders. It's just something I know I can make an impact in. Plus, it will never go away, unfortunately. I just have to find out how I can make my mark.

Maybe food marketing? I can focus on how to change advertisements about food so that people don't associate certain foods as "good" or "bad."

Or there's always a master's in clinical or counseling psychology. That would be wonderful. I could one day work in a rehab center for those suffering from the disorder.

There are so many options, I just don't know what/how to choose. The toughest part is what exam(s) I should study for. Should I sit for my GRE, hoping I want to go into counseling or clinical assessment? Should I study for the GMAT for business school? Should I study for and take both, in case I change my mind? Ugh, so many choices.

This is why I wish I could just have someone pull the correct option out of a hat, and I'll just follow the directions. I shouldn't complain, because I love that life is so unpredictable. If someone told me five years ago that I'd be living in Iowa going to the college of my dreams, I would think they are crazy. But God placed me here and I have never been happier. :)

Rambling and Reminiscing

Over the past couple of days, I have analyzed my past relationships. From what went well, to what didn't go so well, to what I want in the future. It's funny how what you think you want and what God wants for you is completely different sometimes.

The hardest part for me is fear of settling. Since my last relationship, I have been fearful of a new one, because I wanted someone "perfect." No guy matched up to "Mr. Perfect," so each guy was gone as quickly as he came. I never realized that I was trying to find Mr. Perfect, when I was no where close to Miss Perfect myself.

I was very fortunate to have an amazing relationship in my past, because it taught me more of what I want in the future. When I was with him, many people told us we were going to get married. At 17, I believed them. I didn't have a reason not to. I mean, that's what people do. They date, then get married, then live the rest of their lives together. I just figured I found "the one" at 17.

It took a close friend to make me realize I wasn't in the right place spiritually to be in a relationship. I was at the point where I was too comfortable and had lost sight of the reason for dating in the first place, to find the one God placed on this Earth for me.

After two years, I finally believe what I have always heard from many married couples: communication is the most important thing in a relationship. I just think of all the situations in my life where miscommunication was the reason I became angry or an argument started.

One of my favorite things is falling asleep while texting. I love staying up late, talking about anything and everything, until neither of you can keep your eyes open any longer. I also love talking about little things that make life interesting.

For instance, Eryn and I can talk about anything, I mean anything. I love having Facebook at work now, because Eryn and I talk the entire workday. Topics of recent discussion include kitten wallpapers, a new band we both love, and taking cake decorating classes. I love our meaningful conversations.

The longest Eryn and I have been apart is five days in April of our senior year of high school. I qualified top in the state in the Chemistry category for the Missouri Junior Science Symposium, which lead me to Colorado for five days at the National Symposium. It was a blast to represent Missouri with a couple of other students from other fields of science, but I missed Eryn dearly. Before that time, we hadn't been away from one another for even 24 hours. It was rough.

But I called her every night, giving her updates on my day and my new adventures. Likewise, she told me every little thing I missed in school. Before this point, I didn't really know what it felt like to miss someone. I mean, we all have told someone we miss them, but do we genuinely miss their presence? Or is it more out of courtesy; something you say because it's what you should say?

When I finally came back home from the trip, I felt whole again. It may sound like we are married or something, but we are just really close. I had my (more sarcastic, very opinionated) other half with me again. I couldn't imagine going through this life without her.

Being so close to her helps me understand how important is to be able to have deep conversations in a good relationship. When the communication is solid, the rest will fall into place, or so I'm told. :)

Wedding Bells

Every Saturday night, I wait until PostSecret posts the secrets of the week. PostSecret is a website where readers send in anonymous post cards, revealing a secret they want to share with the world. The website displays the secrets online for everyone to read. I haven't missed a single posting all year so far. I wish I could remember to do some things as easily as I remember to read my PostSecrets for the week.

There are always posts about love or marriage, simply because, as humans, we are drawn to falling in love. This week, I read one that breaks my heart. It read:

I will never be the type of girl that a guy looks at and thinks "I'm gonna marry her one day."

How sad is it that someone in this world thinks they will never be good enough to get married one day? Marriage is supposed to be such a beautiful thing, something that every girl dreams of by the time she is ten years old.

It's great when I hear about guys who are just as excited to get married as girls are. Not that it is rare, just less common for a guy to be excited about marriage than a girl.

Eryn recently got me hooked on Runner Runner, a band that I should have discovered a long time ago. The best thing about this band, besides the awesome music, is the topics they speak of in their music. I can think of three songs that distinctively talk about marrying a girl, instead of just calling her "hot" or "wanting her" or whatever terms are used in typical songs.

For instance, the chorus of I can't wait, by Runner Runner:

'Cause I can't wait for you to be my wife
To live this life together
And I won't let you go
I need you to know
That you are my heart, forever
And on and on and on

What a lovely song. I love that it talks about a lifelong commitment, not just a dating fling. I rarely hear secular songs that speak of marriage in such a serious manner. It just gets me more excited about when that day will come for me, whenever that may be.

Blessings and Revelations

Going back to work today was wonderful. After not sleeping for the last week, of course I was a little tired, but I didn't have much work to do.

I was instantly greeted by two of my co-workers, who were interested in how I was feeling and what exactly had happened. That wasn't the first time I was asked that during the day, but I didn't and don't mind talking about it. I was just extremely unlucky, which is more than I could ever say in the past.

I noticed two types of actions by others that made today different than others. First off, I had two people check up on me almost every hour, to make sure I wasn't too tired. If I had been, either of them would have instantly sent me home, I am certain of that.

The second thing I noticed was everyone addressed me by name. Not just inserting my name when they spoke to me, but also softening his or her voice when speaking to me, almost as if I am fragile. It gave me a sense of warmth that everything is going to be okay and they are here for me.

I went to the doctor after work, to follow up with my hospital stay. My doctor, Dr. Mirsky, is one the of the kindest people I have ever met. We always talk on a personal level when I go in there, but today was also more personal. After talking for awhile, she told me she was surprised how well I am handling this. She said I appear to be in control and I am not worried about tomorrow, which is absolutely true. I don't have to be when I have God watching over me.

Just before I left her office, she held my hands and told me how strong I am. She had tears in her eyes when she told me she knew everything was going to be alright. That was the most comforting feeling I have felt in awhile. She also told me that I am VERY lucky to be alive right now. Pulmonary Embolisms usually block the artery within hours of starting, while I waited 20 hours before going to the ER, after first feeling pain. Again, another job well done by God.

When I got home, I got an envelope from the hospital in the mail. When I opened it up, I saw four of my co-workers had written personal letters to me, wishing me well. Two of them, Andrea and Dory, were the ones who checked up on me constantly today. Another one was Tiffany, a girl that just started working with me a week before my stay. And the last one, the one that brought tears to my eyes, was from Ryan, the one I confide in everyday. He even put our favorite bible verse at the end, Philippians 4:13.

Ryan and I have an interesting relationship. He is a managing financial advisor who oversees a team of other financial advisors, as well as maintaining his own clients. We started working together in November, and have been close ever since. I typically do projects for him on a day-to-day basis, doing pretty much whatever he asks me. However, not a single thing I do for him goes unnoticed. He calls me his "rockstar" which keeps me going.

Every day since my hospital visit, I realize more and more how blessed I am to have the wonderful people in my life.

Another Day, Another Breath

Gosh, it feels like too long since I've written. Oh my, what an eventful weekend. Let's start at the beginning.

Thursday morning, at 5 a.m., I was awoken from sleep to find a sharp pain in my left chest and side, thinking I may have slept wrong. After falling back to sleep, I woke up with the same pain, and decided to go to work. I took it easy at work, but I just felt like I was sick or something, with the chest pain increasing in severity. When it came time for the evening, when I normally go to Clarity, I decided to take a nap, because that was my only relief from pain. After speaking to my mom on the phone, she wanted me to go to the ER, just in case.

After about an hour of convincing me, Eryn decided to drive me to a local ER. Just after we arrived, there was a woman suffering from a heart attack. After a short prayer for her, I could only think how lucky I was that nothing that severe was happening to me, or so I thought.

The ER doctor drew my blood and found something abnormal, so he ordered a CT scan to find the issue. He repeatedly told me it was very unlikely nothing was wrong, but that he wanted to exhaust all his resources. When he came back to tell me the results of my CT scan, he said, "Kaila, it looks like I was wrong. You have a blood clot in your left lung, so we are going to keep you here for a couple of days." I just looked at Eryn in shock. Things like this just didn't happen to semi-healthy people like me.

We he left the room, I began to cry, more because I was scared how others would have to change their schedules for me, than my own well-being. The severity of my condition didn't set in for about another day. I was more worried about my mom taking off work, how much it would cost, and what this meant for Eryn.

I was admitted to the hospital at 3:15 Friday morning, still unsure what was going on. The nurses began to take my blood and give me shots, leaving Eryn just watching me. She left just minutes after I laid down in my hospital bed, but never really said goodbye. I cried harder at this point, finally scared of going through this alone. I had to realize other's lives still had to go on, and that I wasn't center of them.

Eryn came to visit at 2:00 p.m. after she got some sleep and made some phone calls. Seeing her face walk in the door, after I was up all night, was the most refreshing feeling. Allie and Sara visited, bringing me cookies and a balloon, which was even more refreshing. I never considered a single visitor outside of my family, so I was so grateful for each of them.

During my stay, Lisa and Jen stopped by, along with Mary twice, Matt, and Kody, who stayed a majority of the time. I must have been naive, but I just assumed no one outside of my family cared for me enough to visit. It's one of the best feelings in the world. :)

I stayed until Monday morning, with twice-a-day shots, blood thinning medicine, daily blood drawings, and hourly vital checks my entire stay. I learned the culprit was my birth control medicine, which I was taking to stop cysts from forming in the future. Several small clots formed in my left lung, preventing me from breathing properly. Even now, deep breaths are still difficult, but not nearly as painful as they were when I went to the ER. I am also looking forward to the day I can sneeze again. Right now, it's just a half-sneeze, because I don't have the lung power to suck in entirely.

Looks like I'll be on blood thinning medicine for 6 months, which means I'll bleed and bruise easily. So no using knives or scissors without supervision. Trusting Eryn with these tasks will be a harder feat than avoiding them. This should be an interesting 6 months.

I can't believe how blessed I am. Only God knows why this happened, but I've learned that I am more loved than I ever thought before. I learned that God will take care of you, so it is pointless focusing the negative. I learned how much I need others around, even if just for the company.

Eryn posted my favorite bible verse on the board in front of me, so I could see it at all hours. Even a nurse commented and smiled, saying how fitting it was in this situation.

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." -Phil 4:13.

I believe that now more than ever. I am healthy after several blood clots, where the average age affected is 70. I can make it through and heal to recovery. Though I will not be fully recovered for at least 6 months, I know it will happen. I have no doubt God will take care of me, just like He has already done.

Never again will I take little things for granted, like the lung power to run 5 miles, or the ability to just walk around outside and enjoy the beautiful weather. There are so many people who will never have that opportunity again, but I am not one of them.

Feeling at Home Again

I can't remember the last time I played nertz with the girls from church. Goodness, I miss the crazy inappropriate talks, the awkward moments, and the extreme competitiveness. Most of all, I miss feeling like I fit in with the other people in my church.

My sophomore year of college was the most emotionally and mentally demanding 9 months of my entire life thus far. From getting my first B, to replacing everything from a fire with no money, to overcoming a near car accident, to just developing an unhealthy relationship with food. Gosh, I am just excited to hang out with the other girls from church again.

I hope to be able to play nertz during the school year again. My junior year CANNOT be anything like my sophomore year, or I may end up in a mental institution. (That's a little dramatic, but I may have to do something extreme like cut back hours at work or take less than 18 credits a semester.)

Tonight, I was pretty rusty from not playing in several months. But you know what, I did okay. I like that nobody cares if you are the worst one there, as long as you are having fun, that's all that matters.

This weekend marked a full month of living in my apartment (scary, I know!) Also, Mary took her stuff out of my apartment and Professor Pisarski took my old fridge off my hands. Not to mention, I finally signed up for internet access to Eryn and I can both have access to internet. It's like things are finally falling into place. It's almost as if we are getting closer to being settled in. It's starting to feel like a home, finally.

Enchanted

I just feel like blogging with no apparent topic in mind. We'll see what happens.

So, Eryn and I went to the farmer's market downtown for the first time today. It was exciting. There were so many people, so many booths, and so many runners finishing the dam to dam race. Needless to say, it was packed.

But it was interesting. There were people selling things from rocks with candle wicks in the center, to Bosnian food. We found a stand selling peaches, so of course we had to buy some. They look delicious! Also, we stumbled upon a kettle corn stand and bought a bag of it. Oh my goodness, it was delicious. :) I will definitely go back.

Then, right after we finished grocery shopping, we found a series on TLC called Extreme Couponing. Pretty much what these people do, is clip coupons like it's their job and buy $1800 worth of groceries for $100 with all these coupons. It's insane how much money they save.

The moral of the story is that Eryn and I took this show as a challenge. We are going to see how much money we can save when we go shopping. Hey, if every trip could be $10, I'd be happy. This may be totally unrealistic, but why not try? The money is already there.

The coolest thing about this show is how people use the goodies they purchase. One young couple purchases all of their items to donate to charity. Of course, they buy what they need to survive, but the rest of the things they receive free from couponing, they donate to their church. How cool is that?

I know it is something so small, but instead of keeping the stash for themselves, they donate the rolls of toilet paper or bottles of water they receive to homeless shelters or disaster relief. That's definitely what inspired me the most, was how generous this couple was. They could have easily hoarded all their items just like the other people in the show, but they didn't. Honestly, they didn't care about the material possessions at all. God just radiated from each of them.

Speaking of inspiring things, I have listened to Taylor Swift's "Enchanted" several times in a row on repeat. The lyrics are beautiful. She describes how she meets a guy and they immediately hit it off.

"This night is sparkling, don't you let it go.
I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home.
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew,
I was enchanted to meet you."

I miss this feeling. How exciting is it when you have a fantastic night and all you can think about is how blessed you were to meet such an amazing person?

"Please don't be in love with someone else. Please don't have somebody waiting on you."

Remember when you get to that point that you wonder where their heart is? All you can hope is that you met them at the right place in both of your lives where something may spark.

While on the topic of love, I found a quote that I couldn't pass up. Hopefully you enjoy it as much as I do: "Love is like an earthquake. Unpredictable, a little scary, but when the hard part is over, you realize how lucky you truly are." - Anonymous

I suppose that's all I have for now. Goodnight ya'll.