Rambling and Reminiscing

Over the past couple of days, I have analyzed my past relationships. From what went well, to what didn't go so well, to what I want in the future. It's funny how what you think you want and what God wants for you is completely different sometimes.

The hardest part for me is fear of settling. Since my last relationship, I have been fearful of a new one, because I wanted someone "perfect." No guy matched up to "Mr. Perfect," so each guy was gone as quickly as he came. I never realized that I was trying to find Mr. Perfect, when I was no where close to Miss Perfect myself.

I was very fortunate to have an amazing relationship in my past, because it taught me more of what I want in the future. When I was with him, many people told us we were going to get married. At 17, I believed them. I didn't have a reason not to. I mean, that's what people do. They date, then get married, then live the rest of their lives together. I just figured I found "the one" at 17.

It took a close friend to make me realize I wasn't in the right place spiritually to be in a relationship. I was at the point where I was too comfortable and had lost sight of the reason for dating in the first place, to find the one God placed on this Earth for me.

After two years, I finally believe what I have always heard from many married couples: communication is the most important thing in a relationship. I just think of all the situations in my life where miscommunication was the reason I became angry or an argument started.

One of my favorite things is falling asleep while texting. I love staying up late, talking about anything and everything, until neither of you can keep your eyes open any longer. I also love talking about little things that make life interesting.

For instance, Eryn and I can talk about anything, I mean anything. I love having Facebook at work now, because Eryn and I talk the entire workday. Topics of recent discussion include kitten wallpapers, a new band we both love, and taking cake decorating classes. I love our meaningful conversations.

The longest Eryn and I have been apart is five days in April of our senior year of high school. I qualified top in the state in the Chemistry category for the Missouri Junior Science Symposium, which lead me to Colorado for five days at the National Symposium. It was a blast to represent Missouri with a couple of other students from other fields of science, but I missed Eryn dearly. Before that time, we hadn't been away from one another for even 24 hours. It was rough.

But I called her every night, giving her updates on my day and my new adventures. Likewise, she told me every little thing I missed in school. Before this point, I didn't really know what it felt like to miss someone. I mean, we all have told someone we miss them, but do we genuinely miss their presence? Or is it more out of courtesy; something you say because it's what you should say?

When I finally came back home from the trip, I felt whole again. It may sound like we are married or something, but we are just really close. I had my (more sarcastic, very opinionated) other half with me again. I couldn't imagine going through this life without her.

Being so close to her helps me understand how important is to be able to have deep conversations in a good relationship. When the communication is solid, the rest will fall into place, or so I'm told. :)