What to do When you Decide your Current Job is not for You

Transitioning between jobs can be tough. The feelings are quite bittersweet...many times, you are excited for the new experiences and opportunities, but likely sad to leave the familiarity and friends made at the old job.

That was the case for me a week ago. Last Saturday was my last day at Children and Families of Iowa (CFI). I loved working for a company that made families the center of their mission. I also loved working with the co-workers I had at CFI and I made lifelong friends with some of those people. Talk about blessed. 

But I realized, not even two months into working at CFI, that my position wasn't the place for me. And that's okay. It is okay to find out that wherever you are working isn't where you belong. That happens all of the time. I needed to get out and I knew I still wanted to work with people. After speaking with my mentor, I found that working in Human Resources would be a better, more reliable career path for me. 

Just on my fifth day at my new job, a co-worker of mine got fired. Why? Because she tried to convince me to quit on just my third day there, without realizing how her negativity was effecting the team. That is huge. 

In honor of my new job, I wanted to share a list of tips on what you should do when you decide your current job is not the one for you. These are in no particular order, besides the order they popped into my brain. Here they are:

• Tell your current boss that you aren't happy. Although this is likely going to be difficult, it is important to be specific on what aspects you are not happy with (the hours, the pay, the workload, co-workers...you get the picture). You don't want to approach this like a pity party because it's possible you knew of these complaints when you started, but they may be more severe than you expected. Just approach it as a coaching moment for your boss, and hopefully they will appreciate the feedback. It is possible they may be able to change what is keeping you from loving your job
• Actively search and apply for other jobs. With social media, there are limitless places to look for jobs these days. I began looking at CareerBuilder, Indeed, and Monster. These websites became my best friend because between the three, they listed a large portion of the jobs in my ideal career field. It is also important to utilize social media, such as LinkedIn and Twitter. I will talk about LinkedIn later, but on Twitter, you can follow job boards, follow companies you are interested in working at, and reach out to hiring managers. This article on Mashable is a great resource for those wanting to use Twitter to find jobs. 
• Utilize your network. In college, I felt like "networking" became a 4-letter word. I heard it in every business class I took and many professors incorporated networking into projects. Needless to say, I didn't realize how beneficial a good network would be until I graduated college. Find someone in your network who has the job you want and pick their brain. Find out how they got there and what they can do to help you get there. She became my mentor and helped me every step of the way to find my current job. Also, reach out to people on LinkedIn in your network who work at the company you want to work at or who have the job you want. LinkedIn is just as professional as face-to-face interactions if you can't meet someone in person for whatever reason. 
• If possible, inform your boss that you are looking elsewhere for a new job. This is something I have done with most jobs, but I didn't do with my last job. Sometimes, telling your current boss that you are leaving, as unfair as it may seem, may result in loss of hours, harder projects, or simply unfair treatment. If you have an understanding boss and your position isn't easily replaceable, then it is always a good idea to inform your boss that you are applying for other positions. This way, you can use your boss as a reference for your most current working traits. However, if you don't have a good relationship with your boss, it is still good to inform them you are looking, but only allow future employers to contact them if you feel they would benefit you in obtaining a new position. If not, don't put them down and cut your losses. Sure, some employers may look over your application, but many employers are understanding and will consider you anyway. 
• Be patient. From the moment I knew CFI wasn't for me to the moment I got a new job offer, I had applied for 30-something jobs and waited 4 months. It is important to get the ideal job for you, not a temporary fix that you may possibly kind of like. You need a job where you are almost certain you will be happy. Don't settle. The perfect match will come into your life when God means for it to come. Until then, work on building your interviewing skills, perfecting your resume, and cleaning up any social media accounts that have things you aren't proud of. Eventually, the job will come knocking on your door.

I am no expert, but I can offer advice on taking the next step in your career. I am now at a place I love, working in Human Resources, and using my strengths to better myself and my company. What could be better?

23

Yesterday, I turned 23. I am very blessed to have so many supportive people in my life who celebrated my birthday. When I walked into work yesterday (my new job!) I was greeted with all of my co-workers and the treats they brought to celebrate. I have known these people for only five days and they were eager to celebrate my birthday. They even signed a card and left it at my desk for me. What a blessing of a job.

It is funny how age is relative to some people based on their own age. For instance, my co-workers asked me how old I was turning and I replied with a confident, "23." Reactions varied from "Oh, what a baby!" to "Sheesh, I hardly remember 23!" As you can probably gather, I am the youngest at my new job. I was the youngest at my old job, too. In fact, I have typically been the youngest in my all of my previous jobs. I personally love it because I can learn from others who have more experience than I do in the workforce, but that's another blog for another day.

My birthday started off on Thursday when Matt decided to take me out to see the 8:00 PM premiere of Hunger Games: Catching Fire (we are old, I know). It was very, very good. Matt knows me so well and that was the perfect present for me. But he decided that wasn't enough and wanted to take me out to dinner of any place of my choosing on Friday night (my actual birthday).

I chose Bang Bang Mongolian Grill in West Des Moines. It is similar to HuHot, where they serve fresh Mongolian grill-style food. You choose exactly what goes in your dish, choose your sauces, and they grill it up for you in front of your eyes. This was the second time I had ever been and it definitely did not disappoint. I would recommend this place to anyone looking for a change that isn't too pricey.

It isn't the pricey gifts or the fancy dinners that makes me blessed. It is the people who cared enough to show me that I mean something to them. They cared enough to go out of their way to do simple things for someone else. To me, that is what God wanted us to do, as Christians. Show others that unconditional, unrequited love. (See 1 Corinthians 13: 4-13). As humans, isn't that all we can really hope for?

I Don't Know About You, But I'm Feeling...18?

A recent trend at work has occurred. This trend is the exact opposite of what I have experienced in my life before.

I work with high school girls in a group home, providing them trauma-informed care. I chose this position because of my age and because I love the high transition years. Part of my position requires me to transport my clients (10 high school girls) around the community. We may go to doctor's appointments, social gatherings, baseball games, or the library. Although it is enjoyable taking clients out in the community (at times), I have found a new enjoyment in doing so.

Let me digress for a second. Since I was young, I have always been told I look older than I actually am. I was typically one of the tallest people in my class throughout elementary and middle school, so I attributed it to my height. However, after I stopped growing, the comments continued. In fact, when I was in high school, many people thought I was in college. Even still, when I was in college, many people assumed I was a career professional.

Back to my current position. I was hit on by a high school boy last night while taking girls to a social gathering. When one of my clients responded, "ew! She's a staff!" he didn't respond with anything but a smile and walking away.

This has happened repeatedly in my job. I took a client to the doctor's office about a month ago and the doctor wanted to see her staff member. He asked her if she could call a staff member because a friend wouldn't do. This "friend" was me. I politely told the doctor that I am a staff member and that I am six years older than the client. He stared at me for a brief moment, then nodded and proceeded with the information.

This backwards thinking is very odd to me. I haven't started looking any younger in the past three months and I sure hope I haven't started acting less mature. I honestly wish I could pinpoint why this phenomenon is happening, but until then, I will bask in the thought of people thinking I am in high school. :)

To Wed, or Not to Wed

I recently stumbled upon a blog about the life of a young married couple. As much as I could say, years ago, that I was going to wait until 25 or older to get married, that is the exact opposite of what I want today. At 22, I feel my time ticking.

Helping Eryn with her wedding has changed my perspective on what is "too young" to get married. As long as the two people are in God's word, then they should decide what age is most God-honoring. I believe that some people can be ready to be married at 19 if they are financially stable and mature. While others could never be married before 30 for the opposite reason.

I have always been interested in the institution of marriage. Since my parents divorced when I was 9, I developed a false sense of what marriage should be. Although I have always persisted on the idea of marriage lasting forever, I assumed marriage happened between two people who could tolerate one another. I never thought about the love and friendship aspects of marriage.

Majoring in psychology has only fueled my interest in the institution of marriage. Although I continually change my ideal career, I know that there are many things I could do in life and be completely happy. One thing would be to become a marriage and family counselor. The family unit is such an important object in the world today. Without it, there would be no future generations.

I cannot wait to get my Master's and begin my career in wherever God leads me. And I sure hope by that time I will have a wedding ring on my finger!

Home is Where the Heart Is

Life constantly changes. One minute we are headed toward our dreams and madly in love, the next minute we are single and our world comes crashing down before us. We must rely on God in order to make it through these tough times.

Matt moved to Iowa on Saturday and I am still trying to get used to the feeling of a long distance relationship once again. This keeps happening to us. We keep flip flopping from Iowa to Missouri in order to fulfill our dreams, leaving the other one by the wayside.

Matt has moved on to a great job and training that will hopefully prepare him for school when he starts in August. Iowa is the best place for him right now.

For me, I have never felt more alone. I no longer have Eryn and of course Matt just left. I am living with my mom and her cat while working a part time job that pays nothing. Talk about unfulfilling. I made this realization that I am going nowhere fast about two months ago. I honestly didn't know what the best solution would be. I just knew that I needed to find something different in life.

I was accepted to Evangel University graduate program that I thought would be great for me. I quickly found out that the program did not challenge me. Rather, it caused me to spend money on a course that I learned nothing from. I have to make a change.

This fall, I will take a course in Drake's grad program until I can be fully accepted in the spring. I plan to move to Iowa when I can get a full time job and a place to live lined up. I will attend the church that I know and love, while seeing the people that I miss the most.

This ping pong stage in my life right now is not ideal, but it took me moving back to Missouri to realize there is nothing down here for me anymore. Iowa is where my new home is and that is the place I miss the most.

http://heartsticker.com

Sharing Secrets

While reading PostSecret on Sunday, I found this secret in honor of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. This is another example of how mental illness controls one's life.

Every once in awhile (on days I feel fat) I share this same view. On days where I am weak, I wish I could have that control and feeling of power in my life that I had back then. It seems unreasonable that a person could want to fall back into her mental illness, but we all have guilty pleasures. Mine is the feeling of control I get from looking great.

When I saw this secret, I felt like I could have posted it myself. It is so nice to have a community where many can share their secrets. It helps us realize that we are more alike as humans than we probably thought beforehand.

Don't get the idea that I am suddenly going to stop eating, because I am recovered and that will NEVER be me again. I suppose maybe it is the time of my life that I miss. Regardless, I hope that sharing my story will help other girls see that they are not the only ones who feel a certain way. With God's strength, those girls too can get over the urge to starve.

Ice Cream is the Best Medicine

Today was one of those days when I came home and thought "I could definitely use some ice cream." That is indeed what I did.

I volunteered to judge for the FBLA district competition today. It was interesting to see the talent across different schools in the district. The competition was called digital production and design because it involved elements of designing items for a company and presenting their findings.

Today, I only judged the presentation portion, but I gave my fair share of opinions on the design elements. I realized I do not tolerate spelling errors, poor presentation skills, and horrible color schemes.

I then went to work shortly after and ran my first closing shift. Although the only change in my shift was after the store closed, my focus shifted to other things that I didn't notice before. I am determined to do better at my job in order to get a potential raise as First Assistant Manager in August. During close, it took me twice as long as I wanted it to, but Mallory helped me figure out what went wrong. Luckily, she had personally closed the store before so she was very helpful.

So I came home after a long day, got a bowl of ice cream, and relaxed. That is exactly what I needed after a day like today.

Expect the Unexpected

If someone had told me on December 14, 2012 that two months later I would be working at Maurices, taking a class, and experiencing more free time than I ever thought possible, I would have said they were crazy. Well, they actually would have been exactly right.

God works in amazing ways. He knows what is better for me than I could have ever dreamed. The free time is nice because I hadn't really felt that in over 3 1/2 years. The sales associate job also brings me back to high school, even if it is a little stressful.

The best part about being a part-time bum is that I can spend much overdue time with Cheeto. I missed having a cat at home since moving to college, so it is nice to spend my days with him. He is crazy and spunky, but I love him to death. I have never met a cat that loves being upside down, but this cat definitely loves it!

What Day Is It?

I've been out of college for one week now. Although it has been relaxing, there has been some stress involved with being unemployed. Yes, as a college graduate, I cannot find a job. Doesn't seem right, does it? I paid so much money to go to a great college. I worked my booty off every week to help pay for college. And studied more than any human should to graduate with honors at Drake.

I also can't believe Christmas is almost here. It definitely doesn't feel this close to Christmas! It got up to 59 degrees today, which is crazy. Although it is Missouri, it is still usually much colder this time of the year. But who's complaining?

It's nice to be this lazy with this great of weather. While it lasts, I think I will continue to enjoy it!

The First of the Lasts

This semester has flown by. I can say that in retrospect, but while I was living it, It felt like it drug on. It is hard to go so hard for so long when you heart is in another place. I never once doubted that Matt and I would make it through this distance. In some ways I feel like we are becoming stronger.

I know Matt is finding out how to rely on himself without needing me around and I am learning the delicate balance between independence and too much independence without my boyfriend around.

Nonetheless, the semester is almost over. I had my last classes of the semester today. It wasn't exciting. It was wasn't memorable. It wasn't sad or happy. It was very anti-climactic.

Although I experienced my last pigeon lab (that was a little sad), my life isn't going to be much different for the next week. Even after that point, I'm going to go home, find a job (hopefully) and live out the rest of my life.

We had a Senior send off dinner for all the Psi Chi members who are graduating in December *cough* me *cough* at Spaghetti Works tonight. It was a blast. I loved just being around other psych majors and talk about anything and everything. That is surely something I will miss when I leave this place called Drake.

3 finals and 1 paper stand between me and the finish line of my undergraduate career. 3.5 years, 5 changes of major, 8 jobs/internships, 1 blizzard, 1 fantastic boyfriend, 4 days in a hospital, multiple blood clots in my lung, 1 amazing church family, and countless friendships made for the rest of my life. I'd say that's a good run.

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Sometimes I wonder whether is was a good decision to decide to graduate early. I know it is wonderful that I can save several thousands of dollars and that I can be with my family, working full time, and hopefully spend time with Matt. However, I know this is going to be tough for Eryn and I.

We have been apart all of 4 days without seeing each in our entire lives. I even remember when that occasion was. I don't think people can understand the relationship twins can have, especially the closeness Eryn and I have. We are pretty much the same person in two different bodies. We think the same things are funny, have the same taste in pretty much everything (except favorite color), and know everything about each other.

We have jokingly said that when I move out after I graduate it will be like a nasty divorce. We'll be splitting up a lot of what we share now. That's just it, we SHARE a lot of things. Things from clothes, to drinking mugs, to folders for class. We share nearly everything. It will be hard to divvy up who gets what pair of jeans and who gets to keep our awesome purple couch (I think Eryn gets it for the time being).

It's nice that in my last semester at Drake we can have a class together. I enjoy that class only because Eryn is in it. Otherwise, I greatly despise marketing and I can't wait for the class to be over.

It'll be nice to come up here for probably a week to help Eryn with the wedding (maybe more, depending on what time I can get off). It will be our last hoorah until Eryn goes into wedded bliss and I am back in Missouri living my normal life. Haha.

I think we both know that we will be living near each other again. It's an unspoken thing. We can't be apart from each other for that long, so I know we will have to come up with a plan to move near each other again. Regardless of how involved I get into dating someone or married life, I know she is my one true best friend. God made it that way, so He must have known we would need each other.

604800 Seconds

7 days. 168 hours. 10080 minutes. 604800 seconds.

This is how long I have to wait to see my love. That is definitely too long.

I have a massively busy week this coming week with four tests and one quiz next week alone. Also, I am in the process of working all my jobs since my old job is ending and my new job already started. So 20 hours of work, 21 credits, and lab/pigeon shaping all week. If you don't know what that is, that is where I have to spend about half an hour each day shaping a pigeon to perform simple tasks, such as pecking at a screen to receive food.

Just a long week ahead. The best part of the week will be Friday when I can leave Iowa and head quickly down to Missouri to see my mom, my dad, Cheeto, and most importantly, my Matt. :)

Long distance relationships are both easier and harder than I expected. They are easier because I thought I would be tempted to want a guy closer to me and want to look for other guys. The opposite has happened. I have wished I could be with Matt even more than before and I appreciate the little time I have with him even more than ever before. It is harder because I didn't realize how lucky I was to have my best friend less than twenty minutes away from me. I mean, it is awesome living with Eryn, but sometimes I need my guy who calms me down, makes me feel pretty and cheers me up like no one else can.

Luckily, we text all of the time and send picture messages to one another often. Here are a couple of my favorites:

Playing "hard to get," I think. Haha 

Post haircut. He looks so happy!

It's the little things that get me through each day. The good morning texts and the sound of his voice over the phone. The funny photos and the exciting texts I get when he is in a great mood. Mostly, though, my constant countdown of when I'll see him next is what makes each day go by. The days fly by faster than I realize and I can see him once again. Just one more week. Ready, set, go!

Popped Locks and Profiling

Last weekend my dad came up to Des Moines to spend a long weekend with Eryn and I. For lunch on Saturday, we went to Jimmy Johns close to my apartment. I threw my keys in my purse, locked the car doors and went inside. As we were about to leave, I realized my keys were not in my purse. Shoot.

Turns out they missed my purse and fell into the seat instead. In other words, I was locked out of my car. My dad and I went back to my apartment and found a couple of items to pry open my door and create a makeshift break-in tool.

On our way from my apartment back to my car, my dad said, "I wonder how many guys will try to come up and tell me how to do it. There is always a handful who have their own opinions on it." My dad said he has attempted to get into about 10 cars and has successfully broken into all 10 of them with little help. I had confidence that he'd get into my car no problem.

Not even 2 minutes after we start prying open my door, a guy walks up to us asking if we needed any help. My dad smiled at me and mouthed, "one" as if he was starting a tally of guys offering to help us.

"We just started, so I'm not sure yet," I answered.

"Oh well, I'm a sheriff, so I can call someone to help you guys out pretty quickly," Mr. Sheriff said. "Just let me know and I'll be happy to call someone for you."

"Thanks," I said as he walked into Jimmy Johns for his lunch.

After a couple of minutes, my dad was still struggling, but I knew he was getting closer to getting through the thick insulation into my car. Mr. Sheriff came back out to us and said he would call someone. After he got off the phone, he began talking to me.

"Where in Missouri are you from?"

"Springfield area," I told him, initially shocked he knew I was from Missouri until I realized I have a MO license plate.

"What year are you at Drake? And what are you studying?" He quickly asked after that.

This one really got to me. How in the world would he have any idea I went to Drake? I didn't have my Drake sticker on my car anymore, no parking tag, nothing. I finally settled on that I was wearing a SIFE polo with "Drake University" written very tiny that gave my school away.

He was an observant sheriff. He figured out all this about me within probably 30 seconds. It's crazy what someone can find out about you with just information from a situation and what you are wearing.

We made more small talk until the cop showed up with official equipment. My dad had the hanger at my handle and was probably two more attempts away from opening it, but he gave up, allowing the "professionals" to do what they are best at.

The cop got the door opened within probably 90 seconds. I thanked him for his time and he asked me what I was studying at Drake (I'm hoping Mr. Sheriff told him I was from Drake). He told me people like me make Drake look bad since he went to Drake too. I hope he was kidding.

The moral of the story is that I need to be more aware when putting my keys in my purse. Oh, and that someone can profile a person in no time at all, so be careful with what information you openly display about yourself. You never know who or what is watching you.

Learning from the Past

I recently opened up to Matt about my past relationships. Through my limited experience with relationships, I have developed the following conclusions about relationships:

• Your first love isn't always your last
• Poor communication is the number one reason for breakups/fights
• If someone brings you down, you shouldn't be with them
• He should love God more than he loves you
• If you would rather be awake because your life with him is better than dreaming, he's a keeper
• The second you find out he isn't worth marrying, end the relationship. Every second you spend together after that point is just wasted. 
• Just because he is a "good" guy, that doesn't automatically make him "boring"
• He should challenge you mentally
• He should make you laugh daily
• He should make you feel like the most beautiful girl on Earth
• Bad boys are a waste of time
• Never settle. It is better to stay single for several years than jump from failed relationship to failed relationship.
• Don't count out the guy who doesn't perfectly fit your ridiculously high standards because he may just be "the one"

It's funny because I stayed single for over 3 years, because I refused to settle for a mediocre guy. I also have ridiculously high standards, which I thought would make me single for the rest of my life. Then, I met Matt. The biggest difference between him and the other guys I dated was that he didn't immediately drop cheesy pick up lines on me. Instead, he wanted us to get to know each other as friends before dating was ever a thought. That was the thing that stood out about him so I'm not surprised he's been my longest relationship.

Ultimately, I want to go all cliche for a second and say that he must be your best friend or it won't work. Matt has been my only relationship where we were each other's best friend and it has made all of the difference. Our communication is wonderful, though we always have times where it isn't storybook perfect. 

I wish I could have read this list possibly 6 years ago, when I first started dating. I would not have had those 3 month relationships that were just silly. I guess we all have to be young and naive at one point in our lives, don't we?

Song Lyrics

Recently I have discovered new bands and rediscovered old bands I haven't listen to in awhile. Here are a couple of verses from a couple of songs that stood out to me. I'm a sucker for beautiful lyrics.

Hedley - Hiding Place

If you fall I'll catch you
If the world comes at you
You can always run to me
I'll be your hiding place
And if the stars burn out of the sky
And your heart lost it's light, just never let me go
And I'll scare your fears away
Yeah I'll be your hiding place

Boys Like Girls - Be Your Everything

Four letter word
But I don't have the guts to say it
Smile 'til it hurts
Let's not make it complicated
We've got a story
But I'm about to change the ending
You're perfect for me
And more than just a friend
So we can just stop pretending now
Gotta let you know somehow

He is We - I Wouldn't Mind

Forever is a long, long time.
But I wouldn’t mind spending it by your side.
Tell me, everyday I get to wake up to that smile.
I wouldn’t mind it at all.
I wouldn’t mind it at all.

Hedley - Perfect

I'm not perfect, but I keep trying'
Cause that's what I said I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave
Was it something I said or just my personality?

These are my current obsessions. We are all allowed to have obsessions, right?

Gentlemen

I honestly think one of the hardest things to do is raise Godly children. Granted, I have never raised any kids of my own, but from what I hear, it must be pretty difficult.

Whilst on Pinterest, I found this pin. Before birth, God decides whether each one of us will be a boy or a girl. For those who receive the correct genes, they become boys at birth. Then, when they turn 18, they fully become men (according to the government, at least). However, becoming a gentleman is a much greater decision.

Gentlemen:

• Respect girls and women
• Hold traditional values of holding open doors and paying for dates with girls
• Prefer to know much more about a girl on the inside than what she looks like on the outside
• Love their moms
• Are willing to make sacrifices for their girl without considering them sacrifices
• Focuses on how to grow in his relationship with the Lord at the same time his girl is growing in her relationship with the Lord
• Is understanding with a gentle heart and easily forgives

I have a gentleman. The funny thing is that most girls like to chase after guys who are not good for them at one point in their lives. I personally have done that twice. Once during Sophomore year of high school, then the second guy during Freshman year of college. Eventually, God led me to a gentleman.

If you have ever heard "God Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts, the lyrics are stunningly perfect. 

Every long lost dream led me to where you are

Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Never settle for less than a gentleman. I promise you he comes around, even when you least expect it. God knows what He's doing and he put a gentleman on this Earth for every girl. We just have to be open to waiting for him. 

Complications

I have three more days of camp left. That means only three more days of waking up "too early" to spend an entire day with 1st and 2nd grade students. Three more days of the most unrewarding job I have ever had. The only thing I am going to miss is my lucky draw of great co-workers. I think we all feel similarly about our job, so we bond over this. 

However, I am in a situation I never thought I would ever be in. Matt is convinced and I may just be convinced as well, that I have a co-worker who is hitting on me. However, with how much I talk about Matt with my co-workers, I thought it was obvious I am happily taken. I guess not. 

Let's get the facts straight first. He has visited me at my second job three times because he said he feels bad that I am lonely at work. He visits my classroom after camp every day if he is working at the same location as me, just to see how my day went. And today, I needed a favor and he bent over backwards for me to solve my problem. I seriously didn't ask for that, he just did that. When I am with my co-workers, he brings up my boyfriend frequently and somehow remembers what I say about Matt.

My view: I think he is a nice guy. I work with mostly girls and I know he is nice toward them too. I have the belief that he is just a nice guy like that. 

Matt's view: he is chasing after me, though he knows I am taken. 

This situation has actually caused disagreements between Matt and I because we both want the situation to be done with. I fear that I unintentionally lead him on, possibly to the point where I am flirting with him. Matt fears he is being overprotective of me and untrusting of me. 

I am not sure what this actually is, but I hope it ends shortly. My co-worker is a nice guy who could get any other girl, but me. I am 100% taken and no guy will change that. I hope this situation has opened Matt's eyes to see that I am totally happy being with him and not any other guy. 

My prayer is that my co-worker stops visiting me at my second job when my summer job ends and he finds himself a good girl for him. This girl will not be that girl. 

Without Matt

This is a blog post about Matt. If you are already sick of hearing about him, I apologize. You may skip this one and move onto another post.

Matt has been gone in Canada since Thursday, so only 4 days, and I miss him like crazy. In fact, the last time I have heard from him was one text 12 hours ago, then one text before that about 25 hours ago. So, not much communication at all. I am just not used to this. I really don't like it.

If you know me, you know I am an independent person. Throughout high school and most of college, I made it clear that I don't need a guy to define me. In all honesty, I am 100% fine without a guy in my life. However, Matt isn't just some guy. He is my guy. 

Matt is my better half. When I heard people say that when I was younger, I never listened. I never believed one person could make another person feel incomplete. That was before I met Matt. I have been extremely productive since he left, but I still feel like a piece of me is missing. It is especially hard when I can't even text him because he doesn't get cell phone service in Canada. 

I have to get used to this separation thing because I know we will be 5 hours apart for quite some time. This separation must be God's way of saying, "Kaila, you have to learn to make it on your own." If that is what is happening, I need to learn to branch out and do things differently. 

The craziest thing of all, is that the little things remind me of him. Almost like that feeling one gets when they just break up with someone and miss them dearly. I watched The Notebook by myself and cried through the parts where the main character reminded me of Matt. Not because it was sad, but because I miss Matt so dearly. At church today, I caught myself looking over and trying to say something to him and realized no one was there. Even in Sunday School, when I sat by Tyler Dobson, I looked over at him and realized he was no Matt.

A funny story about Tyler is that I lived with him 2 years ago after he graduated high school. While living together, he always tried to set me up with some of his friends. One friend he continually mentioned was named Matt Penner, but since Tyler brought his name up, there was absolutely NO WAY I was going to date this guy. I mean, come on, he is a year younger than me! Needless to say, Tyler was right about one thing: Matt actually was a GREAT guy. I just had to let my preconceived notions set aside and look at Matt for who he is and not who Tyler said he was. If Matt and I ever get married, I will never actually tell Tyler he was right about Matt because I don't want him to get a big head. Haha.

As you can tell, I am quite lonely and I am rambling. So I will get off of here and possibly get to bed early. That way I can be relaxed for a long week ahead. Good luck on a great week!

Graduation on the Brain

I was contacted by financial aid at Drake last weekend about graduating early. No, they didn't tell me that I should stay until May so they could get more money out of me. Instead, they decided I should graduate early to save money and because I can meet all my requirements by December.

Easier said then done. I need to get into ONE course that fulfills 3 of the six criteria I need to graduate. In essence, this is the JACKPOT of classes because it means I can take research and a marriage and family course for fun, instead of sacrificing those to take other courses I need. Additionally, it is a course that I purchased all the books for 2 semesters ago because I was scheduled to take it and it was dropped last minute. Haha.

Anyway, I am now patiently waiting to hear back from the professor to see if she would be willing to let me in her class. I now there is a very slim chance she will let me in, but a girl can dream, can't she?

You may be asking why I am so eager to graduate early. Well, here is a pro/con list of graduating early:

Pros

• Much cheaper - I'll save about $5,000 in tuition alone
• I am able to work full time from January through August 2013, which helps me earn more cash. In addition to this, I can be more settled in my job before going back to part-time during graduate school when I start back in August.
• I am able to move back home in December, saving even more money on rent
• Moving to Bolivar, MO also means I can be closer to Matt (5 hours in Des Moines versus 45 minutes in Bolivar).
• Have more time to apply for graduate school because I won't be in school when I apply (the apps are due anywhere from January to March of 2013).
• It will give me an 8 month break from school before starting graduate school.

Cons

• I have already promised to babysit for Hailey and Abby in the spring, which would not be possible if I graduate early and live down in MO
• My on-campus job is year-round, so it would force my boss to find someone new for the second semester
• My position in SIFE will be up for grabs during the second semester, which is a HUGE bummer 
• I am leaving Eryn to find a new roomie or figure out a new living arrangement

If you are reading this, can I ask something from you? I am desperate and I have no idea what is in store for me. The one thing I do know is that I need to follow God's will for my life. In other words, graduating early may just be an attractive idea, but not practical in God's eyes. Can I ask for your prayer to ask for God's will in my life and in this decision? I desperately need it in this time of need. 

I hope you had a great Sunday and God bless. :)

Half Canadian

The love of my life is in Calgary, Canada right now. No, he isn't ice fishing or whatever else Canadians typically do for fun. He is with his family visiting his mom's parents and family. 

This will be the longest time Matt and I have spent apart our entire relationship. Not only will he be gone for 10 days, but he doesn't get cell phone service, so calling and texting is sketchy. Needless to say, I have time to start blogging again. Why not, right?

I have never been to Canada, let alone anywhere else outside of the US. I feel like such a homebody sometimes. What is wrong with the US? Without going into governmental or political rants, I love the US. Even if it is all I know, I am aware that there are many worse places I could call my home. 

One day, I hope I too can go along with Matt's family to Canada, just to see all of the places he has talked about before. It also helps put a place to some of the things he has talked about before. 

Even though Matt disagrees, I call him "half Canadian" all of the time. If a person's mom is born in Canadian and his dad is born in the US, the child (Matt) is half Canadian...right? I'm pretty sure I'm right. However, his family is actually from Denmark like my family, so I'm not really sure what happened there. haha.

Well, I hope everyone is having a relaxing Saturday night. I should probably get off her and do something more productive, like reading a book or watching TV. Goodnight fellow Americans.