Matt has been gone in Canada since Thursday, so only 4 days, and I miss him like crazy. In fact, the last time I have heard from him was one text 12 hours ago, then one text before that about 25 hours ago. So, not much communication at all. I am just not used to this. I really don't like it.
If you know me, you know I am an independent person. Throughout high school and most of college, I made it clear that I don't need a guy to define me. In all honesty, I am 100% fine without a guy in my life. However, Matt isn't just some guy. He is my guy.
Matt is my better half. When I heard people say that when I was younger, I never listened. I never believed one person could make another person feel incomplete. That was before I met Matt. I have been extremely productive since he left, but I still feel like a piece of me is missing. It is especially hard when I can't even text him because he doesn't get cell phone service in Canada.
I have to get used to this separation thing because I know we will be 5 hours apart for quite some time. This separation must be God's way of saying, "Kaila, you have to learn to make it on your own." If that is what is happening, I need to learn to branch out and do things differently.
The craziest thing of all, is that the little things remind me of him. Almost like that feeling one gets when they just break up with someone and miss them dearly. I watched The Notebook by myself and cried through the parts where the main character reminded me of Matt. Not because it was sad, but because I miss Matt so dearly. At church today, I caught myself looking over and trying to say something to him and realized no one was there. Even in Sunday School, when I sat by Tyler Dobson, I looked over at him and realized he was no Matt.
A funny story about Tyler is that I lived with him 2 years ago after he graduated high school. While living together, he always tried to set me up with some of his friends. One friend he continually mentioned was named Matt Penner, but since Tyler brought his name up, there was absolutely NO WAY I was going to date this guy. I mean, come on, he is a year younger than me! Needless to say, Tyler was right about one thing: Matt actually was a GREAT guy. I just had to let my preconceived notions set aside and look at Matt for who he is and not who Tyler said he was. If Matt and I ever get married, I will never actually tell Tyler he was right about Matt because I don't want him to get a big head. Haha.
As you can tell, I am quite lonely and I am rambling. So I will get off of here and possibly get to bed early. That way I can be relaxed for a long week ahead. Good luck on a great week!
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