Magna Cum Laude

This post is going to be just as typical as my posts throughout the last two semesters, except with a different outlook.

It's no secret I like to be busy...like, really busy. Let's look at today, for instance. I got up at 7:15, worked out, then went to class at 9:30. I had back-to-back classes until 12:15. I then worked from 12:30 until 3:30, where I had another class at 4:00. That half hour break was wonderful. I went to the restroom for the first time all day! My 4:00 class got out early at 5:15 so I went to my 5:00 work meeting until 6:00 when I had a meeting for SIFE. I then had another SIFE Meeting at 7:00, then another at 8:00. My day finally ended at 9:00 when I could finally come home and have dinner.

I decided to unwind and transfer my schedule, while making sure everything was correctly color-coordinated. I'd call this a productive day.

Though this sounds busy, it was actually quite relaxing. For instance, last semester would have consisted of the same activities, plus 3 hours of studying afterward and meetings inserted in my 15 minute breaks between my classes. So I'll call this a break.

I am soooooo thankful I am only taking 16 credit hours. Here is how it is broken down:

Psychological Assessment (4 credits): Class 2 times a week, plus a lab on Fridays. This is pretty much stats, with the regular tests and homework required of typical psych classes.

Video Game Violence Independent Study (3 credits): Class once a week for less than an hour, plus a half-hour pigeon lab, so far. It will turn into hour pigeon labs everyday, plus around 5 hours of additional lab testing video game violence next week. Oh goody!

Marketing Research (3 credits): A watered-down version of research that I conduct daily in psychology. Should be an easy A, but those classes that appear to be, never are. I also have tests in this class, but no projects (thank goodness.)

Consumer Behavior (3 credits): Definitely my favorite class this semester, which combines psychology and marketing. It has a couple of tests and two projects, but I should really enjoy it. This may be my toughest class.

JMC 59 (3 credits): Using Photoshop and InDesign to create basic and fun graphics on the computer. I've literally been using these programs for 5 years, so I sure hope I do well. Look at my blog header, that is a Photoshop creation. Hopefully a very fun and an easy A class.

In summary, I have 5 classes, 3 with tests (my biggest issue) and 2 with practical application. I should be good with my grades, hopefully. If I want to graduate Magna Cum Laude, I can only afford one more B in my college career (no pressure.) I'm allowing that for maybe second semester this year when I'm studying for my GRE. So it's a 4.0 this semester or I'm screwed.

The best decision I have made this year was to switch to a marketing minor, considering I am not going into marketing or business at all. I know what I want in life and nothing is stopping me, nothing.

Now, let's hope my 3 jobs and 3 executive positions in organizations allow me time to breathe. I still need to allow time to hang out with Eryn and Matt, not that either should be hard to manage. However, that's always the first thing that goes, my social life. Who needs friends when you have a 4.0? Right?

I'm not writing this to brag or show off or even show how much I'm involved in. I'm writing this to see if I believe it myself that I can handle this load. It seems doable, hopefully. I need a semester like my first year, where I can spend time studying, instead of relying on my memory from lectures(ha!). I can't believe I managed the grades I did the last two semesters with literally studying less than an hour most days. God was watching out for me.

Goals for tomorrow:

• Read and outline chapters 1 and 2 from Consumer Behavior
• Read the handouts from Consumer Behavior
• Be home and fed before 8 PM
• Recruit 10 newbies for DUSCI at the Activities Fair
• Apply what I read in my devotional tomorrow morning

I hope your week is going as well as mine is. I can't believe it's Wednesday tomorrow! Goodnight all.

Double Take

I love being an identical twin. I wouldn't change it for any amount of money, happiness, anything. It's like having a permanent best friend.

A specific instance has continued to pop up this last week as Eryn and I went back to school. Here's a sample scenario and you'll understand what I'm talking about.

"Hey Eryn, will you do something for me?" Eric, the SIFE President asked me.

"I'll do something for you, but only if you call me Kaila," I responded.

"Oh, well, if you two didn't have the same hair color I could tell you apart better! You used to have darker hair, didn't you?" Eric asked.

"Yep, sorry to confuse you," I replied.

So people like it when we different hair color because we look different. We have had a different hair color since coming to college, so this is throwing so many people off.

Here's what I think about that:

1. Obviously people were getting lazy and couldn't really tell us apart besides our differing hair colors. I guess having the same color will force people to actually take the effort to get to know each of us now. GASP!
2. We didn't start dyeing our hair until we were 16. And for that matter, our hair color wasn't different until Senior year of high school. So for 18 years, how did people tell us apart? There must have been some way to see a difference.
3. Our personalities are polar opposites at times. If you can't tell us apart within the first minute of one us opening our mouths, I'd be shocked.
4. I also understand I am a bit insensitive considering I don't have to tell twins apart very often. So I don't have the sympathy I probably should for those who think we look a lot alike....oh well.
5. Ultimately, I'll take it as compliment. I was always told I was the "ugly twin" growing up for those who could tell us apart. So I'd rather people having trouble telling us apart. Maybe some don't think I'm the ugly twin anymore. That would be lovely.

I couldn't find any pictures of Eryn and I where we had our hair the same or were dressed similarly, but here's the newest one I have:

Now let's look at us when we had almost the same hair color in almost the same outfit:


I'll have to admit, we look A LOT alike in this one. I'll also admit that I have trouble sometimes with this picture at a quick glance. Maybe when my memory gets really bad one day I won't be able to tell us apart in this one anymore. Who knows.

Anyway, the moral to this story is that I don't care if people have trouble telling Eryn and I apart anymore. I've tried too long to try to be an individual and now all I want to take advantage of being a twin. Why try to be something I'm not? I can't help it that I share the exact same DNA with another person on this planet. That may make me a freak, but I don't care. Not. One. Bit.

Parallel Parking and Parachute

I'll admit it, I am horrible at parallel parking. Absolutely horrible. For example, while trying to park my Focus, I probably tried 7 times before I finally made it. I don't understand how I am so awful at parking between two cars, though. I mean, besides that, I would have aced my driver's test. My lack of parallel parking ability is embarrassing. Flat out embarrassing.

So the next time you think you parked bad, just think of me and you'll know someone else out there parked worse than you....guaranteed.

Gosh, I wonder sometimes why I wanted classes to start up again. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy the class part and I really enjoy the extracurricular activities part. I don't enjoy the "not having time because I choose to always stay busy" part.

I hope to continue to blog as well, but I know I usually taper off as the semester progresses because I get so darn busy. Let's hope I at least stick with this one.

So this post is as scatterbrained as I have been thinking lately. Here's what's on my mind:

• Making my own iced chai tea before class every day makes the day just a little bit better.
• Sometimes I weren't I was so emotional, especially during certain times of the month.
• I wish I could sing. I would sing even more than I do now, which is hard to believe. But, at very least, I could sing in public and not be embarrassed by my voice.
• I love learning from my mistakes. I made a big "no-no" during my pigeon shift today and my professor did everything but get angry. I know that will never happen again.
• The next band on my "to see" list is Parachute. I very much hope I see them in concert soon. This isn't a want, this is a need.
• I'm trying to think of more things to add to this list to continue to procrastinate on schoolwork. Unfortunately, nothing else is coming to mind, so I shall end this and move on to productivity.

That's all folks! Peace out!

Losing more than Keys

Just before my last class at 4 today, I went to the Times-Delphic office to finish up things from yesterday. I like to get ahead if possible. Anyway, I decided to place my keys in my water bottle holder on the side of my backpack and head to class. Why I thought this was a good idea is beyond me. I always place is a specific pocket in my backpack so I know it's there. So much for that.

So I carried on with my life and got out of class a little early at 5:30. I walked to a local business who inquired about placing an Ad in the Times-Delphic. I spoke to her about our rates and how I could cut her a deal. She didn't purchase anything on the spot, but I left her my info. I am certain she'll purchase something when she gets her logo produced.

From there, I made the trek back to my apartment. After walking for about 15 minutes, when I was nearly back home, I realized I didn't have my keys anymore. I checked every pocket in my backpack, hoping I had placed them somewhere else. Oh great, I must have left them back at the Times-Delphic office. Great.

So I walked another ten minutes back to the office, hoping I'd find them there. Of course they were nowhere to be found, because that's the way it works. Just as I was on the verge of freak out mode, I remembered I placed them in my water bottle pocket for whatever reason. I look through the mesh and there they are, staring at me with spite.

Nice Kaila. Just, nice. Goodness gracious. After walking all around campus, sweating all over, and stinking up a storm, I was ready to go back to the apartment. Life would be easier if I could at least remember 10% of the activities in my day. I realized today I lost more than my keys, I lost my mind.

Your Call

Sadly, as classes have begun once again, I am too busy to listen to music. I used to listen to music all day long during the summer, but I can't do that while in class now. Goodness, I am obsessed with music.

So after Matt left this evening, I have been in a fantastic mood. What else is there to do besides blogging and listening to love songs? :)

I found a song in depths of my music collection from Secondhand Serenade. I was obsessed with this band for many months during high school when I wanted to know what love felt like. How funny. It's called Your Call.

Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry
call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?
(What's your, what's your, what's your...)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
x4
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)



This song is great because it's about that sick feeling you get when you want to ask out someone you like. In this song, it talks about being happily in love.

I know it's pretty generic, but this is a great song. Secondhand Serenade in general is wonderful. Check it out when you get the chance.

All for the Image

Every once in awhile, I have an urge to get on my soapbox. Well, today is that day.

Let me just say, I have been very comfortable with computers since I was ten, which is half of my life. I can almost anything you need done on a computer, just because I enjoy playing around with computers. That is, until I had my first experience with a Mac.

I had never touched nor even seen a Mac in person until I came to college. Blame that on my rural education where sports were the only things that were consistently improved upon. Needless to say, we only had PC's in our school because they were cheaper.

So, when coming to college as a journalism major, I was shocked to see there were these foreign computers in my journalism labs. These monitors were quite large and white, unlike anything I had seen before. My first problem was trying to exit out of a window, where I had no clue where to go. Then, for the first time since my professor had begun teaching, I crashed a Mac. I pressed too many buttons, I guess, and the screen went black. So much for Macs being "reliable."

Then, three days later in an entirely different journalism lab with another professor, I crashed a Mac....again. This time, I was attempting to find something on "finder" and it froze, then the screen turned black. How does that even happen? I must have bad luck with Macs.

Since then, I have had nothing but problems adjusting to Macs. While working as the Online Editor for the Times-Delphic last year (shameless plug) I was required to copy and paste coding, without any knowledge of how to do so. I am a right-click kind of girl, who has trouble remembering keyboard shortcuts, so it took some investigation to figure out how to do things as PC as possible on the journalism Macs.

Today was no different. Though I have become used to using Macs, I definitely don't enjoy the experience. It's like that guy in class that nobody likes, but somehow, you constantly always get stuck in his group and must deal with him. This is the same concept.

So anyway, as the Times-Delphic Business Manager this year, I had hoped I would have less interaction with Macs, considering it is a business position. Wrong-o. Today, I attempted to print onto a 10 X 13 inch envelope from MacWord. Now this would typically be a 20 second process on a PC. Just type your words on a Word doc then hit "page setup," change the size to 10 X 13 and hit "print." Easy as pie.

On a Mac, you have to go through probably four or five steps just to get to "page setup" where you then must click aimlessly until you find the winning combination that will allow you to change the dimensions from the presets in the computer. But wait, there's more! Once you have the size set up correctly, you must manually direct the print to the bypass tray for your large envelope. Again, an easy task on a PC that is overly complicated on a Mac.

At the end of the day, the envelope printing incident lasted almost an hour and resulted in an impatient Kaila, ready to eat and see her Matt. That's all. Ugh....

Why on Earth would anyone purchase a device for more than twice the price of a PC that functions less than a PC? I am convinced people buy Macs for the image and not for practicality. That's with the whole Apple brand in general. I mean, what can you say about iPads now that there are so many alternatives? Nothing. No one would seriously purchase an iPad for twice the price of the competitor's tablet just for the name, would they? Oh wait, they would. That's America for ya, all for the image.

Role Reversal

I spoke with one of my friends from back home tonight. We used to be close in high school, but once senior year came and I became more involved with my church, we kind of separated. Not that she wasn't into church, it was that she's Catholic, so Baptist church services were not "her thing."

I always respected that, especially because she is the number one reason I am saved today. I remember the first time she invited me to her Wednesday night church (a nondenominational church many of my friends went to on Wednesday nights). I had a great time and went back ever since. I even remember her being the first one I told once I got saved and I remember how excited she was for me, though she didn't believe in that concept because of her religion.

Especially after I started going to church regularly, I remember the many conversations I had with her about her faith because I was fascinated about Catholicism. Goodness, I loved how we could talk about what we each believed, without offending on another. We were just there to learn from one another.

I remember telling her I couldn't go to her confirmation because I wanted to go to my church that day. I had every intention of missing her confirmation and going to church when I said that. But the look on her face after I told her killed me inside. I went home, researched what confirmation was and instantly knew I should be there for her, even if I didn't believe in being confirmed. I remember her face when saw me surprise her by coming and I remember the death-grip hug I received from her after her confirmation.

We have been through a lot spiritually, but I will never forget how much she has impacted me. Who would have guessed I would move to a rural school in 6th grade and become a Christian just over a year later? Not me. I just started hanging out with her and the other "good kids" in my grade and realized there was something different about them. They had God. And I wanted God too.

Fast forward to tonight. I was speaking with her over Facebook chat and realized how much she has changed since the day I met her, almost 9 years ago. She was telling me about a guy she is "attracted to" but doesn't want anything serious. She would much rather have a "make out" buddy than anything that could get her attached. This is just a day after she told me she has decided she is going to drink when she turns 21.

She told me not to judge her and I didn't. I still haven't. I am supposed to be there for her, good times and bad. I can't help but think she is different than she was when I met her.

She has never had a serious boyfriend, or a boyfriend at all, for that matter. In high school, we weren't the "cool ones." We were the nerds, the brains, the ones who cared more about their grades than attracting the attention of any guys. In fact, my fondest memories of high school are from participating in math competitions and academic team competitions.

I am realizing how college has enabled me to become close to God, while many stray away during college. Look at my friend, for instance. When I told her about my first kiss at 17, she definitely thought that was unacceptable and I should have dated him longer first. In college, she now has a roster of guys who are "make out buddies." My heart breaks for her.

In high school, we use to joke how useless sororities were and how many temptations exist in those situations. So I was shocked when I heard she rushed, then joined, a sorority. That is when I first noticed the changes and they continue to occur.

I pray that she becomes closer to God again. I know her slope is only going to get steeper when she turns 21 in October and finally starts drinking at all the parties she attends. I can't imagine how that is going to turn out for her. I just pray God looks out for her.

I have so many things to learn and I am far from perfect. I make my fair share of mistakes, especially in my Christian walk, so I am in no position to judge. I just fear that small decisions will lead to bigger decisions that will lead to lifelong mistakes. Even from 309 miles away, I let her know I am always here for her, any time, any day, if she needs me. It sounds like she needs someone outside of her sorority sisters and fraternity brothers. I am going to be that someone.

It's All About the Intentions

This marks my last day at MassMutual. I will no longer be Ryan's assistant, organizing his life from day-to-day. I will no longer organize files for Tief or do various tasks for the interns/new hires. I will no longer answer phones with "Thank you for calling MassMutual, how may I direct your call?" in my Fashion Bug voice, as Eryn calls it. If you ever wanna hear it, just ask. :)

I am moving onto...things. I can't necessarily say better things, but I can say they are going to be different things. I finally started enjoying my time at MassMutual as I began to leave, because Ryan started assigning me things to do, so I wasn't bored out of my mind. He wanted to make sure he could get as many things done "correctly" before I left. I didn't do things correctly, I just did as I was asked.

Today I spoke with Daniela, our IT girl who is just a couple of years older than me. We were talking about my leaving today briefly. I told Daniela that I will miss her, but I know there is always facebook to keep in touch. She also said she would miss having me around, because I am one of the few young ones there, like her.

She said the best thing about me is that she can't find a single person that would have a bad thing to say about me. I was shocked. I do soooo many things incorrectly at work, especially my addiction to facebook chatting Eryn and, on occasion, Matt. But I never get "caught" for whatever reason. When I think I've gotten caught, not a single person says anything. It's interesting. It's like I'm the girl who can do no wrong.

I like having that stigma because I have worked hard to earn it, but I also want to be viewed as a regular human as well. There are people, even people I work with, that don't like me. I can think of a couple at the top of my head. But I think most people base character not only on actions and words, but on intentions. I think intentions speak louder than actions and words many times.

I try to live my life with good intentions, as I think most people do. You don't meet many people who strive to make the lives of others horrible. That's not the way we are programmed. Especially those of us who strive to live like Jesus, we really try to do the right thing, even if, on occasion, our human instincts set in and we screw up.

I guess the moral of this story is to live with good intentions, even if others don't always see it that way. I think trying your darndest to do what is right and living with Christ on your side, makes all the difference in the world. Eventually, others will notice. It may take years and years of influence, but someone will change their ways because of your actions. It will happen, even if you never become aware of it. I promise. :)

Money, Money, Money

I love taking charge of my finances. It gives me a sense of power over my life. Not to mention, it gives me a piece of mind about my future.

About a month ago, I decided to check out my credit score for the first time in probably a year. I was shocked at how low it was still. I mean, I've had almost 4 solid years of a credit history. But I'm just too impatient to wait.

I decided to take control and put my credit card in my name so I can pay it off in one lump sum and be done with it. The website said if I pay it off, I'll gain 83 points instantly. That's a big deal.

I really want to be financially stable in my life. I don't care about my income or how big my house will be, I just care that I have little debt and can provide for my children. I don't think that's too much to ask.

I've made a small step by vowing to pay my last two years of undergrad out of pocket, instead of investing in loans. That way, I can start paying off my loans while still in college and hopefully have less by the time I start grad school. Now for grad school, my loans will be quite hefty. That scares me. I know God will provide me with everything I need, so I shouldn't worry.

I like the feeling of paying bills. It gives me a sense of ownership and accomplishment. Almost as if the hours I put in at work are all worth it, even if my job is less than desirable at the time. If you plan well, you can have a stable future. So far, I think I am heading on the right track. Who knows, in 10 years from now, I may have my student loans paid off. That would be lovely. Absolutely lovely.

Fair Day Fun Day

Yesterday Eryn and I volunteered to work at the Drake tent during the Iowa State Fair for Drake Day at the fair. Kody also wanted to come along to visit the fair and Matt already had to work a shift for Cutco, so we made a trip out of it. Or a double date, whichever is more correct.

After dropping Matt off at the Ag building, Eryn, Kody and I walked around the fair. We then stumbled upon a dance performance at a nearby stage. Kids of all ages danced their hearts out in solo and group performances. Simply put, it was adorable. :)

Then, while working at the Drake tent, Eryn and I worked at the giveaway table. We handed out drawstring bags, coozies, and beaded necklaces for anyone nearby. It was a blast. For most of the time, I handed out the necklaces to visitors. Unfortunately, these necklaces looked like blue mardi gras beads with Drake pendants on them. That made for some awkward jokes with perverted older men. Sometimes I don't like being a girl.

Besides that, I had a blast. I LOVE Drake. So showing others how much I love it, is just, indescribable.

During Matt's break yesterday, he was starving, so we all tried to find something to eat. Well, he knew he had to have a gyro, so we were at least going to stop there. I decided to try a chicken gyro because I can eat almost anything. Surprisingly, I really liked it. It was actually very different than I expected. I'll definitely try one in the future.

After Matt got off around 3:15, we decided to walk around the fair for a couple of hours. It was a blast. We just looked at different things and people watched. I could spend every minute of every day walking around with Eryn, Kody and Matt, goofing off and talking. Life just doesn't get better.

After walking around for a couple of hours, I realized we were all complaining about our tired legs and burned faces. I think the day had finally gotten to us, so we made our way out of the fair.

After we left the fair, we were all pretty hungry. So we made a trip to Taco John's to try Potato Oles for the first time, since Matt recommended them. They are oh so salty and oh so good. Good thing every fair ticket has a free potato ole coupon on the back. All of mine will be utilized. For sure. However, knowing that the fried goodness would not fill us up, we made a trip to Wendy's for some real food. Yum yum. :)

We then made the trek back to the Swain residence and watched "Limitless." It was actually a decent movie, just different than I expected. The concept is quite interesting, though I would never promote drug abuse by any means. You probably have to see the movie to understand what I mean.

Eryn got the bright idea to bake something, because that we do when we want to eat something sweet. We found a box of cake mix donated from Kody's grandpa and found a recipe on it for peanut butter chocolate bars. The box said to bake them for 20 - 25 minutes, so we put them in for 13 minutes. Guess what? They were overcooked. We own a supersonic oven, not that I'm complaining.

Matt and Kody left shortly after the movie ended and the evening came to a wrap. Yesterday was simply an amazing day, even if we all left the fair sweaty, sunburned, and exhausted. Yep, I officially love the Iowa State Fair.

Mud and Madness

Last night...er, evening, I went to Matt's house to watch him wash his car for an hour. I am a clean person, but he is a clean freak. Goodness, my car would have been washed in 15 minutes and it would have met my standards of clean. I hope I never have to clean anything to his standards.

After his car was squeaky clean, we decided to venture a construction area in his neighborhood. As we walked near the construction area, I knew it wouldn't be "Kaila-friendly." In other words, it would require an ounce of athletic ability to not hurt oneself; an ounce which I don't have. There was a large slope where trees once were, but were cleared out due to flooding. We began walking down the slope and it was apparent it had rained recently. It wasn't super muddy, just in spots.

When we had made it as far as we could without getting too dirty, I decided we should head back up. Of course, we had to find the only muddy area to walk through. I decided Matt should lead, because me leading would not end well. He jumped over a small area to avoid a large muddy area, then held his hand out for me. I jumped, slipped, then landed on solid ground. Without Matt, I would have been covered in mud. Luckily, with him helping me, I only slipped a little.

Here is the damage done:You know, I really don't understand why I am so uncoordinated. I played volleyball for six years, bowled for ten, and was an avid runner at one time. I guess that doesn't mean much. I just hope my future husband has an ounce of coordination so my future children at least have a chance. All I'm hoping for is a slight chance at this point.

Next step for the evening, cleaning my shoes. They will probably not be clean to Matt's standards, but that's okay. He stays with me for more than my (lack of) cleanliness. :)

No Regrets

Sometimes it is hard to live with no regrets. There are times in our lives that we wish we go back, do differently, and see what the future holds from there. It’s a killer to think about, but it’s inevitable.

I try to live with no regrets. I mean, there was a time in fifth grade when I told off my best friend because another friend I had didn’t like her. I felt awful about it after that and cherished her friendship after that. Oh, and I got rid of the “new friend.”

One thing I’ve always struggled with is keeping friendships, because I have a hard time being friends with girls. I just don’t relate to girls like I wish I could. I think that is because I enjoy things guys like and not much of the things girls like. So being friends with guys has just been easier. Well, kinda.

In high school, my best friend, without a doubt, was a guy. I loved talking to him, hanging out with him and even reading Twilight together, so we could discuss it after we each finished. Goodness, times were wonderful. I always feared things would become awkward if either of us felt like we should be more than friends, especially as my senior year came to an end.

But I didn’t care that much after I went to college. I tried to talk to him as much as possible, but I got busy, and he was the first thing to leave my life. Why? Because I was naïve. During college, my closest friends have always been guys, just like in high school. But it always ended the same, he would want to be “more than friends” and I would back off completely, never speaking to him again. He went from a great friend to an avoidance.

I’ve learned from these mistakes, though. I realize I have not been the best friend anyone could ask for because I fail to be there when needed. I just have to think that there’s a reason everything has turned out the way it is today. I just have to realize the choices I made are somehow in God’s plan and everything will work accordingly. I pray for you to be in my life once again and if that’s what God had planned, I know it will happen. I’m sorry.

The Right One

find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
who calls you back when you hang up on him,

who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat,
or will stay awake just to watch you sleep…

wait for the boy who kisses your forehead,
who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats,

who holds your hand in front of his friends,
who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on.

one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares
and how lucky his is to have you…

the one who turns to his friends and says,
“that’s her!”

~ harry tottszer ~

I found this poem online and thought it was perfect. I 100% agree with everything he says. I couldn't have said any of it better myself, even though nothing he says is spectacular. Sometimes simple is beautiful. :)

Living in Lyrics

This is a cover of my favorite Taylor Swift song. All I can say is that it is simply amazing. Tyler Ward and whoever he sings with always make their covers better than the originals. I'm hooked.

I have been easily obsessed with music lately, but I know it's not a bad thing. This is how I see it: I love music. Music makes me happy. When I can relate to the song, I listen to it more and more. Lately, I have been listening to mushy love songs, because, well, I'm happily taken (putting it simply). I know, I know, I'm a girl, okay? Cut me some slack.

I am in a great place in my life right now. I had a great day at work, now that I am about to leave. I think it is the sense of working as hard as I possibly can for the next week, knowing I need to finish everything I've started. I don't want to leave a bad image for myself when I'm gone from MassMutual. Plus, if I keep busy, the days go by much faster and my mood is much better.

My boss finally figured out I won't be coming back this semester and he completely understood. He was a psychology/sociology major in college and he also had a lab internship. He had to work in a prison (which sounds awesome!) playing games with prisoners. That's definitely different than playing around with pigeons.

We joked about how pigeons and prisoners are alike in some ways and different in others. As he was leaving, he stopped and turned toward me.

"Kaila, in all seriousness, don't pigeons carry diseases? Can't you catch something from them?" he asked. I sat there, not really knowing how to respond.

"You know, maybe we don't want you coming back afterall. You could bring some flu or disease with you," he said as he smiled. "I'm just kidding, you are always welcome back."

Before working at MassMutual...well, even since working here, I have seen insurance agents become demanding and rude. At times, they feel entitled to having women wait on them hand and foot. But there's a good side to everyone, no matter how small and sporadic that good side is. Everyone, including rude insurance agents, can be nice and caring of others at times, even if they are making fun of the diseases you will catch from playing with pigeons. :)

What I Know

Since announcing my plans to leave MassMutual for the fall, things have been...different. This afternoon, for instance, was interesting. When I got to work today, Ryan wanted me to start teaching the receptionist how to do my job, just in case she has to fill in. He continually asked me to make sure I had talked to her so all duties were filled. I think he's getting a little nervous to put my work in someone else's hands.

I also have access to Ryan's calendar at work. I noticed a couple of interviews pop up on his calendar for the marketing intern position MassMutual now has open. Not a minute after that popped up on his calendar, he called me to come to his office. He and Tara were "discussing" what duties I perform at work. Finally, he decided to just ask me what I do.

I listed off a couple of things and Ryan was shocked at the amount of things I have done in the past and continually do each day. The thing about my position is that the work is very simple, so I can get a day's work done in less than two hours most days. Yes, it may sound like a lot, but they are all simple tasks.

Finally, he decided I did "too much" for him to remember and told me to go back and write down everything I do. Pretty much, what he wanted me to do was write the job description of the position some other person is going to fill. So I am coordinating how my replacement will do things and what s/he will be doing. It just seems, weird.

If I weren't leaving by choice, I would feel terrible that I am now doing a bunch of things for "The Transition," as Ryan calls it. He acts like it an apocalypse or some major event in the office. In reality, the intern, who isn't even classified as a staff member, is leaving to do something she actually enjoys. No big deal.

I thought I would be sad to leave but I really am not. In fact, I am happy to move onto things that will maybe challenge me and push me.

I got a call today at work about an on campus job I applied for a couple of weeks ago. I scheduled an interview to work for the science department organizing our annual DUCURS conference. Not only would it look good for grad school, but it pays better than MassMutual, gives me another reference for my grad school application, and is on campus, which saves me money in the long run. That's not even a win-win, but like a win-win-win-win. :)

It seems my schedule is quickly filling up for this coming semester. I am so excited to not only start classes in two weeks, but go to the concert of my dreams with All Time Low, Mayday Parade and The Cab. This post is composed by one happy girl today. The end. :)

Sno Cones and Screws

At church today, we had a Community Fun Fair for all church members and community members. This is pretty much like the Iowa State Fair on a much smaller scale. Nonetheless, there were still many booths and activities to do. Some of them included:

• Fresh-squeezed lemonade
• Cookies
• Cotton Candy
• Watermelon
• Caricatures
• A rock climbing wall
• Corndogs
• Petting zoo
  

And much more. In fact, the college class was in charge of making sno cones. At first, Kelly started making sno cones when Eryn and I arrived. However, he had to leave shortly after, so it was up to Eryn and I to take care of all of it. Instead, Kory decided to run the machine, while I punched cards and scooped ice and Eryn and pumped the syrup. We shifted roles periodically, but those were our main roles.

It was a warm afternoon, so many kids were happy to cool off with the sno cones. In fact, it was a blast. I loved talking to the kids who ordered. That was my favorite part.

At one point, Kory began running the shaved ice machine and I was scooping cones. As I handed a cone to Eryn to be "syruped," I noticed there was something in the ice. Turns out, there was a screw from the machine nicely placed inside. I'm sure that would taste great. Good thing we didn't have health inspectors there, because we would have been shut down. That gave Kory, Eryn and I a good laugh for the rest of the day.

We closed around 3, all sunburnt and exhausted. I was sweating all over and sticky from the syrup, so I knew a shower would come shortly after I got home. No matter how many "bad" things I can say about today, I really can't complain. I had a great time and I already can't wait until the fun fair next year. :)

The Future is a Second Away

I'm going to go right out and say it: debt scares me. This afternoon I got a wild hair to look at my student loans thus far. Why not, I mean, I have to figure out how much money I am using that I currently can't afford. No big deal.

I decided to create a spreadsheet with each loan amount, the date each needs to begin payment, and the interest accrued on each loan. My senior year, I hope to start paying off my loans accruing interest already, to help lower my debt later. Especially since I have several more loans coming in the future. Oh boy.

I then got on an organization kick. Since I now have my financial future sort of planned out, I need to plan out other areas of my life. Since going to Kody's brother's wedding this weekend, I started to think about songs I would like to have at my wedding reception, if I plan to have dancing there. Of course, I had to start another sheet for these songs, classified in "slow songs" and "fast songs."

The next step was inserting the baby names I have picked out that I kinda like. You never know when you'll just get pregnant one day and need to pick out a baby name in a matter of seconds. ha ha.

With many of my friends starting to get engaged and married, it is putting me in wedding fever. Not that I am planning my own wedding, but that I am making mental notes (and physical ones) of what I like. Maybe it'll help me make a decision in the future. It's never too early to start planning. :)

On a side note, with only two weeks left of my summer, I have my first sunburn of the summer. Am I a hermit? Absolutely. Am I ashamed? Not one bit. I'm super white and I'm okay with that, most days. :)

Bittersweet Goodbyes

I am happy to say this is my 100th post since this lovely (or not) blog has begun. I hope for many hundreds more.

Anyway, I feel compelled to talk about the last hour of work today. Andrea asked me for my school schedule this fall to schedule me with as many hours as humanly possible. I told her I would go on my computer and pull up my schedule (mostly to give me time to stall.)

I finally gained the nerve to go to her office and tell her that I would not be working there this coming semester. Instead of whatever reaction I was expecting from her, she was completely understanding. She actually told me so many great things about myself that I didn't know she felt. She told me she appreciates all my hard work and that it will be impossible to replace me, if they decide that must happen. She also told me she is so impressed with how I am able to keep my grades up and work 15 hours a week. Wow. She felt that about me?

Anyway, we decided we would sit down with my boss boss and talk to him about this when he comes back next week. Andrea talked about taking a semester off and finding a temporary replacement for me. In the spring, if I decide I want to come back, she said I have a free ticket back on board and my replacement will work alongside me. It couldn't have turned out better. I am truly blessed.

Just before I left Andrea's office, she told me, "You know, I am bummed I won't see you as often as I do now. But you know the person you should be worried about is Ryan. You know he'll be crushed. You may consider giving him some shots of something before you tell him." I just smiled in agreement, though my heart was breaking inside.

I forgot about telling Ryan. Oh my goodness, I can't. I can't do it. I'll just not show up one day and he'll realize I'm gone. That'll work, right?

No. When I was gone for 3 days at the beginning of July, Ryan acted like I was dying and he'd never see me again. Actually, when I was in the hospital, he gave me the most inspiring "get well" message of everyone in my office. Just a great guy.

I needed to talk to Ryan anyway, so what better time than lay all of this on him at once? I walked into his office and he was packing up.

"I'm going on a joint appointment with Kyle so my office is yours for the rest of the day," he said before I even stepped all of the way through the door. He started to leave his office, when he told me he had purchased bracelets for his team and I could have one if I wanted.

"Plus, I think you'll like them," he said as he flashed a huge smile and left.

I picked one up and tears began to well up in my eyes as I read it:
BELIEVE. Phil 4:13.
I mustered a "thank you" but I'm sure he didn't hear it because he was already gone. He knows that's my favorite verse and I know that's his. It's kind of an unspoken bond we share.

How on Earth am I supposed to tell him I won't be there in less than three weeks and he showers me with gifts that mean so much to me? I was about to tell him he had 2 weeks to find my replacement, creating unnecessary stress on him and he gives me a bracelet with my favorite bible verse on it? Goodness, it's going to be hard. It's like I'm breaking up with him!

Needless to say, I am going to wear this bracelet for awhile, especially to give me strength when telling Ryan I won't be there during the semester. Sometimes life would be easier if we, as humans, didn't care for others. I know my life would be easier.

While organizing his emails, he had soooo many emails from his church because he is on the board of directors. He spends so much time doing church-related activities, as well as immersing himself in his bible. Not to mention, just going through emails since last Tuesday, he had two personalized "thank you" emails from donations he had made during that time. Ryan is the best example of living a Christian life inside and outside of the workplace. I'm going to miss that guy.

Wanting What we Don't Have

This was from this week's PostSecret postings and I really enjoyed it, so I thought I would share it with you. Isn't it funny how we, as imperfect humans, want what we don't have?

I found this posting humorous, because I realize how much some people love iPhones, or just Apple in general. Don't get me wrong, Apple is innovative. It is usually one step ahead of the competition, which is reflected in its products. I mean, it has become such a normalcy for every household to own at least one Apple product and many times, multiple products.

However, as a PC person, I will always struggle with the idea of the Mac. I just cannot adapt to something that is so foreign to me. Don't get me wrong, I love trying new things, but this is the extreme of the extreme. It will take a diehard Mac lover to convert me.

With that said, I am completely content with my Toshiba computer and I wouldn't want anything new until this one has lived its life. However, in other aspects of my life, I know there are things that I will always want that I don't have. I mean, I would love, love, love a Mustang. If I were offered one for free, I have no doubt I would jump on that opportunity, though my car runs perfectly.

Unfortunately, this is not what God teaches in the bible. For instance, John 6:35 says, "Jesus said to them, 'I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.'" We should feel fulfilled with God alone and never want anything more. However, as humans, our fleshly desires will always come in the way. I guess the tough part is living this verse day in and day out. I know I struggle with this one.

As long as we strive to desire less and recognize the fulfillment God provides us each day, we are moving in the right direction. The bible says if we strive to live more like Christ, we will feel fulfilled, something material possessions cannot provide for us. What an inspiring thought. As Christians, we are truly blessed.