Bittersweet Goodbyes

I am happy to say this is my 100th post since this lovely (or not) blog has begun. I hope for many hundreds more.

Anyway, I feel compelled to talk about the last hour of work today. Andrea asked me for my school schedule this fall to schedule me with as many hours as humanly possible. I told her I would go on my computer and pull up my schedule (mostly to give me time to stall.)

I finally gained the nerve to go to her office and tell her that I would not be working there this coming semester. Instead of whatever reaction I was expecting from her, she was completely understanding. She actually told me so many great things about myself that I didn't know she felt. She told me she appreciates all my hard work and that it will be impossible to replace me, if they decide that must happen. She also told me she is so impressed with how I am able to keep my grades up and work 15 hours a week. Wow. She felt that about me?

Anyway, we decided we would sit down with my boss boss and talk to him about this when he comes back next week. Andrea talked about taking a semester off and finding a temporary replacement for me. In the spring, if I decide I want to come back, she said I have a free ticket back on board and my replacement will work alongside me. It couldn't have turned out better. I am truly blessed.

Just before I left Andrea's office, she told me, "You know, I am bummed I won't see you as often as I do now. But you know the person you should be worried about is Ryan. You know he'll be crushed. You may consider giving him some shots of something before you tell him." I just smiled in agreement, though my heart was breaking inside.

I forgot about telling Ryan. Oh my goodness, I can't. I can't do it. I'll just not show up one day and he'll realize I'm gone. That'll work, right?

No. When I was gone for 3 days at the beginning of July, Ryan acted like I was dying and he'd never see me again. Actually, when I was in the hospital, he gave me the most inspiring "get well" message of everyone in my office. Just a great guy.

I needed to talk to Ryan anyway, so what better time than lay all of this on him at once? I walked into his office and he was packing up.

"I'm going on a joint appointment with Kyle so my office is yours for the rest of the day," he said before I even stepped all of the way through the door. He started to leave his office, when he told me he had purchased bracelets for his team and I could have one if I wanted.

"Plus, I think you'll like them," he said as he flashed a huge smile and left.

I picked one up and tears began to well up in my eyes as I read it:
BELIEVE. Phil 4:13.
I mustered a "thank you" but I'm sure he didn't hear it because he was already gone. He knows that's my favorite verse and I know that's his. It's kind of an unspoken bond we share.

How on Earth am I supposed to tell him I won't be there in less than three weeks and he showers me with gifts that mean so much to me? I was about to tell him he had 2 weeks to find my replacement, creating unnecessary stress on him and he gives me a bracelet with my favorite bible verse on it? Goodness, it's going to be hard. It's like I'm breaking up with him!

Needless to say, I am going to wear this bracelet for awhile, especially to give me strength when telling Ryan I won't be there during the semester. Sometimes life would be easier if we, as humans, didn't care for others. I know my life would be easier.

While organizing his emails, he had soooo many emails from his church because he is on the board of directors. He spends so much time doing church-related activities, as well as immersing himself in his bible. Not to mention, just going through emails since last Tuesday, he had two personalized "thank you" emails from donations he had made during that time. Ryan is the best example of living a Christian life inside and outside of the workplace. I'm going to miss that guy.