Decisions, Decisions

There's a reason I didn't do so well in Business Law last year. I am too open-minded. I don't like things that seem like they can be interpreted, but in reality, are black and white. Take math, for instance. Things are black and white with math. Either you're right or you're wrong, no in between. Now, think of Psychology at the other end of the spectrum, where some things are black and white, like who invented what, but other things, like diagnosing schizophrenia, are left up to interpretation.

Business Law different in that it seemed like it could be interpreted because there are many ways to solve a problem, but in reality, there is only one right answer. And I was often wrong. Bummer.

I say of this to say that I realize I am easily persuaded. I feel like this doesn't make sense because I am the person that likes plans and definites. But for some reason, if you posed a convincing argument, you could convince me to drop out of Drake tomorrow and become a hairstylist instead. It's the way I am.

Long story short, I think I want to pursue a Masters in Clinical Psychology instead of a Doctorate.

Pros:

• Only 2 years, instead of 4-6.
• Cheaper. Much, much cheaper.
• I could have kids before turning 28. 
• I want to be a mom more than I want to be a professional.

With that being said, I can still get my Psy.D. in the future if I so choose. I love having options.

Two States, One Concert

Tomorrow will mark the first college course where I will play "hookey." Sure, in high school, I missed two classes one time to leave early for a concert with Eryn. Tomorrow, I will no longer be a good college student. I'm so excited!!!

I purchased a pair of tickets for a band called Parachute in Minneapolis tomorrow night. Minneapolis is about four hours from Des Moines, so it will be a nice little trip. Oh, and I did I mention Matt is coming with me? Yes, I'm very excited.

Reasons I'm excited for tomorrow:

1. I love Parachute. I've been a HUGE fan for two years now and have waited to see them. 
2. I love roadtrips.
3. I always have a blast with Matt, so eight total hours in a car with him sounds like a good time. 
4. I'm missing a couple hours of work and my last class for the concert.
5. There will be many photo opps before, during, and after the concert. :)

Yep, tomorrow will be a good day. :)

Love and Beauty

Do you feel like crying? I found this photo, again on Pinterest and thought it needed to be shared. At my wedding, I want this reaction more than anything:

From: www.michellenewellphotography.com

Gosh, just looking at it makes me tear up now. This is one very loved woman, no doubt.  

This reminds me of a sermon pastor spoke on probably about a month ago. He told us how men should love their wives and how women should submit to their husbands. When I saw the above photo, I instantly thought of a couple of verses in Ephesians 5.

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." - Ephesians 5: 25-28

In addition to the Ephesians 5, I thought of a song Matt recently introduced me to. He actually showed me a cover of the song, but I am a fan of the original boy band version. If you're interested, here it is:

Here are some of the lyrics to the song:

You're insecure
Don't know what for
You're turning heads when you walk through the door
Don't need make up
To cover up
Being the way that you are is enough

Everyone else in the room can see it
Everyone else but you

[Chorus]
Baby you light up my world like nobody else
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed
But you when smile at the ground it aint hard to tell
You don't know
You don't know you're beautiful

If only you saw what I can see
You'll understand why I want you so desperately
Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe
You don't know
You don't know you're beautiful
Oh oh
But that's what makes you beautiful

Even for 18-year-olds, these guys respect girls. That's very cool to see. If you're a girl, when you find a guy who feels this way about you, keep him. He'll respect you. If you're a guy, be this type of guy and you'll become the one who any girl would be crazy to let go. :)

Bad Days = Great Prayers

Yesterday, I made a huge revelation. As my pastor would say, "it may be as simple as sand," but life truly is what you make of it. Life is about what and who you appreciate. I actually found this really cool poster on Pinterest a while ago, and it brings up a great question I think we should all ask ourselves.

From: www.a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net

Very true. What if I wake up tomorrow and only the things I really appreciate in life are the only things in my life again? Do I thank God enough for the blessings He has placed in my life?

For instance, I didn't have the best day yesterday. Matt and I were not exactly getting along well and I was upset for most of the morning. I met a friend for coffee and backed into the front end of someone's parked car when I left the meeting. Then, while working on a project for my Consumer Behavior class, I was nearly finished, when my clumsiness took over and I spilled my open Diet Coke all over the project. I spent two extra hours finishing my mistake.

Even through it all, I was in a fantastic mood yesterday evening. Matt came over after he got off work to see me. He even greeted me with frozen yogurt from work (I know, he's a keeper, right?) But when I saw him, it was literally like the beginning of my day didn't happen. I had forgotten all of the things that put me in a foul mood earlier when I saw him.

I definitely treasure Matt, especially how he changes my perspective on life. I realize there so many things I don't thank God for each and every day. One day, if only the things I thanked Him for were the only things left in my life, I would like to think I would still have all of the people in my life that I do today.

I definitely know what/who I'm thanking God for tonight. :)

Lonely is a Solitary Place

It's funny how one person can make such an impact in one's life. When I dropped Eryn off at the airport on Friday morning, I felt almost sad to the point of tears. I had no idea why. I knew she'd be back in a couple of days and I knew she'd have a good time.

But now that the weekend without her is just about up, I am starting to realize why I felt this way. It's like a part of me was missing the last couple of days. Not like I need her to get by each day, but knowing I wouldn't see her at all made the days longer.

I was also very lonely at home. I am not used to doing so many things on my own, without anyone to share my daily trivial events with. I even got so lonely that I have sat my bear that Matt gave me, Rawr, on the couch all day just to have something else to be with. Is that weird?

I don't talk to Rawr very often, but it is comforting knowing he is there. It's like a quasi human replacement.

Friday into Saturday was especially hard. I didn't see Eryn all day Friday and Matt worked 18 hours that day. Then Saturday, of course I was alone at home again, and Matt worked until the evening. I was able to see him at night, which was absolutely lovely.

Why do I love to be around people so much? I don't have to talk to anyone else or even have to acknowledge their presence, but as long as there is someone else with me, I am fine.

I had trouble leaving church today because I wanted to stay and talk to Matt for the rest of the day. I just wanted to be around people. I knew I would go home and be alone until my meeting at 3. Another funny thing about being alone is that I will do things I don't even care for, just to be around others. For instance, tonight we had a SIFE bonding activity where our group hung out in Aliber and played hangman, name games and "getting to know you" bingo. Now, I am not anywhere close to a socialite, so I didn't really say much. In fact, I was probably the quietest one there of all 20ish people. Instead, I sat there, just listening to others and taking photos. I didn't really want to take photos and I didn't really want to participate, but I wanted to be around people, so taking photos was the next best thing. How silly is that?

In Sunday school today, a lady came and spoke to us about our Multiple Intelligences. I have heard about this before, but it is mainly focused on how each of us is intelligent in our own setting. I tried to figure out what category Matt fell into, but I just couldn't. He is the one person I just cannot figure out. I think that is another reason why I enjoy being around him, is because I constantly analyze him in hopes that I will finally figure him out one day. And they say girls are hard!

Anyway, when I had taken the Multiple Intelligences test in the past, I got logical/mathematical. But today, I scored second highest on that and first highest on intrapersonal. Intrapersonal people would rather work by themselves than in a group (true), know themselves very well (very true), and like to be alone more than being around others (false, as proven by this weekend.)

Now, I enjoy being quiet and listening to others, along as others are around. Heck, even in SIFE tonight, people said I was the buzzkill at nationals last May because I wouldn't play their truth or dare game. I don't mind that title at all, especially because they were being serious. It just makes me realize that I don't have to be the center of attention to have a good time. In fact, I will probably have more fun observing than participating.

I hope this is a good quality to have as I go into the field of psychology. I just love listening and learning about others, while learning more about myself in the process. I can't wait to get started in my career one day and be able to apply all these things I love so much. Then maybe Eryn and Matt would get to stop hearing about all the "fun" things I learn everyday. They don't act like it, but I am sure they are annoyed with my constant sharing of useless facts about my psych classes. At least they are nice about it. :)

iConfused

It must be some sort of alternate universe. I am almost ashamed to admit this, but I feel as though I should get it off my chest. I was working on a PC today and suddenly had the urge to jump on a Mac computer, thinking it would perform my task easier. What kind of thought is that?! More importantly, what kind of garbage is Matt enforcing into my mind?

On an unrelated sidenote, after I finished babysitting tonight, I talked to Janelle, the girls' mother, for almost an hour. I found out her mom just retired from a 40 year career in Psychotherapy. She talked about how she thinks it was great growing up in therapy because she thinks she knows herself better.

Oddly enough, this was before she knew anything about my future plans. So I nonchalantly brought up that I want to go into that field. She then told me she wants to talk to her mom tomorrow night and see if her mom would like to talk to me. Also, she said she could probably get me any internship I'd be able to get without a degree. Wow, that's awesome.

Of course this is all just up in the air at this point, but it makes me excited for a possibility in the future. Who knows, maybe I could snag an internship over winter break, or at least a job shadow, to help me see what I am getting myself into.

I overheard a girl in one of my psych classes talk today about applying to grad schools. She has 13 on her list and is unsure about meeting qualifications for most of them. What?! This scares me. She has a 3.25 gpa and says that's her killer, though she has 3 majors. This scares me even more.

I am now super nervous about doing well in the rest of my classes. I know it's possible, but there's also the possibility I'll never have another 4.0 semester. That genuinely scares me. I just gotta stop freaking out about "what ifs" and continue to focus on what I'm doing now. If God wants me in this field, He'll make it happen. I just have to work as hard as I can to get there.

Life's Deepest Issues

As I was pondering on life's deepest issues, I realized I have more female professors than male professors this semester. In fact, I have 4 females and 1 male.

When I think back to my previous semesters, I had more males. Well, I typed that, then realized I could only remember one class I took last semester, let alone any of the previous semesters, so I had to look up my transcript online. Here is how my last 4 semesters have broken down in male to female professor ratios. (I'm not making these numbers up, either. It made me laugh when I realized the trend.)

Semester 1: 5 male, 1 female
Semester 2: 4 male, 2 female
Semester 3: 3 male, 3 female
Semester 4: 2 male, 4 female

Isn't that a weird trend? The higher level of classes I go, the more females I have as professors. Now, this is also biased, because I just started taking psychology courses this last semester, and I know there is an overwhelming number of females to males in the field of psychology.

Interesting stuff right there.

Actually, it's not interesting at all. My life is just that dull that I cannot think of a single more exciting thing to write about?

Oh wait, I made chocolate chip cookies last night that were purrty darn good. I was skeptical when Matt gave me his mom's recipe and he called them "the best chocolate chip cookies ever." Well, now I'm a believer. I even made a healthier version and neither Kody nor Matt could tell a difference. Win.

Maybe I could be a part-time Psychologist and a baker on the side? Sounds like the ideal combo to me. :)

SIFE, Scheduling, and Shootings

Here are some thoughts on my mind at the moment:

• Tonight I had meetings from 6 to 10 PM. I'm glad I didn't have any homework that needs to be completed before tomorrow. Actually, I've been goofing off since I got back. Priorities, Kaila. Priorities.
  
  Anyway, at my SIFE meeting tonight, we found out only 4 of our 6 projects are worth our time/effort. We have already lost 3 projects since the beginning of the semester, so two more is killer. But it seems that this is the best for our team, with our limited resources and time. We'll see what happens.
  
  Lately, I can't help but think what I would do if I were SIFE President this year. I am trying to mentally prepare myself for next year, if I decide it is something I can handle. I am just not so sure a the moment. Ideally, I wouldn't be President, so I am trying to mentally scope out others who will do a better job than me. I just want SIFE to be the most successful that it can be no matter what that means for me. 


• There was a shooting just off Drake's campus tonight around 9PM. Things like that scare me. I always feel so safe on campus, but I have to realize we are on the East Side. That's where all the bad stuff goes down. 


• I have this weird rash thing on the side of my pointer finger on my left hand. I think the finger will probably fall off in the next 24 hours. I'm about 99% sure I am correct on this one. Wikipedia told me so. 


• The schedule for next semester was just posted online. Of course, that means I had to make sure all the classes I need will fit together. For the first time, only 1 of the 5 classes I planned on taking next semester is actually being offered. Greeeeaaaat. This is the type of thing that would make me freak out if I hadn't looked ahead of time. Granted, I think we still have 3 weeks before scheduling, but it never hurts to be early. 


• This weekend, I decided I really needed to buy fake nails, because I put them on every two weeks or so. Unfortunately, I have tiny hands so I have to purchase special ones for "petite hands." When I went shopping this weekend, they ran out of the kind for petite hands, so I decided to look in the girls section. I couldn't find any plain ones, so I purchased ones with zebra print. I kind of feel like a stripper while wearing them. Oh, and they were too big, so I had to file them down as well. How sad is it that a 20-year-old woman's hands are too small for GIRL'S fake nails. Wow. 


• Matt gave me a teddy bear for when I was sick on Thursday. He is adorable! (The bear, not Matt.) Anyway, I really didn't deserve a bear for getting sick like everyone else does, but Matt seemed to think it would cheer me up. Of course I lit up like a small child when he gave it to me. I kinda like it. ;) Anyway, I finally decided on a name for him. After much deliberation, I have decided on Rawr. I'm guessing Matt is the only one who will understand why I named him that, but it is totally fitting. Now, I have a buddy to cuddle with in bed every night. Rawr is the perfect cuddle buddy. :)

Diamonds and Hearts

I'm sitting here, next to Eryn, trying to find things to do right now. We are at Kody's house doing some laundry while listening to his roommates bash one another. When they all get into a room, it's quite entertaining. I enjoy listening to them banter about sports. It's like when a group of girls come together and they gossip.

I decided I couldn't contribute to the conversation and I want to put off more homework, so I started looking on Pinterest. Goodness, I know how to get myself in trouble while looking at Pinterest. What I mean by this, is I get sucked into either recipes I'll never make or wedding ideas I'll never be able to afford. 

While looking at wedding ideas, Eryn suggested looking at engagement rings online. Apparently she already has a couple picked out, so she guided me to a couple of sites. 

The best site and the cheapest, was Jared. You can create your own ring in whatever setting you'd like with whatever type of diamond you would like. It's just....fun. Since I love rings so much, it was fun to look at diamonds, especially because I've never owned a diamond before.

I really like the heart-shaped diamonds, mostly from Eryn's guidance. I didn't think I would, but I really do. I also like very clean, very simple rings. I see no point in wasting a ton of money to buy something elaborate when I won't like it anyway. Simple is better.

It's funny how I had never heard of Jared before coming to Des Moines. I just assumed there was Justice Jewelers or Kay Jewelers to choose from.

It's funny how your prospective changes when you transfer to different stages in life. For instance, I never even looked at who had a ring or who was even dating who several months ago. But after hearing stories of people my age getting married, I am almost culture shocked. Almost as if I feel like I should be preparing for that stage of life as well. But then reality hits me and I realize that I am only 20 years old and have so many things to do before even thinking of marriage. Sure, it will be fun, but marriage isn't something you do because it's "fun." You get married because you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. And you know what, I am in no position to make that decision just yet.

But ask me in a year, and I may change my mind. ;)

Endlessly

I have been obsessed with the song "Endlessly" by The Cab. I know I am extremely biased considering this is my favorite band, but I am okay with that. I am in LOVE with the lyrics and I also adore Alex DeLeon's voice. When the two come together, it creates a song I am obsessed with.

Here's the song from YouTube if you are interested in hearing it:

Here are the lyrics. I have inserted my commentary to the lyrics to show you how I feel about certain lines. Like I stated before, I am OBSESSED with this song. I think it is beautiful in every way.


There's a shop down the street
Where they sell plastic rings
For a quarter a piece I swear it
Yeah I know that it's cheap
Not like gold in your dreams
But I hope that
You'll still wear it
This is adorable. What girl wouldn't take a ring like that? This guy is definitely a romantic. :)

Yeah, the ink may stain my skin
And my jeans may all be ripped
I'm not perfect but I swear
I'm perfect for you
These last two lines are the best two lines in this song, possibly in any song I've heard in a while. I think it is soooo true. None of us are perfect, only God is perfect. But I think there are people out there that are perfect for each of us. 

And there's no guarantee
That this'll be easy
It's not a miracle you need
Believe me
Yeah I'm no angel
I'm just me
But I will love you endlessly
Wings aren't what you need
You need me
Again, playing on the "not being perfect" idea, but in different words. I love it. I also love using "endlessly" here. It just shows how love is endless and it was designed to be that way. I believe love is still endless, no matter what society says. 

There's a house on the hill
With a view of the town
And I know how you adore it
So I'll work everyday
Through the sun and the rain
Until I can afford it
This makes my heart melt! It gives me a sense of security hearing this. I love that guys feel like they should provide for a future family. It says that she is worth it. 

The rest of the song repeats parts from above. As you can see, I am soooo in love with this song. It describes how love should be. I may post more Cab songs doing the same very soon. I can think of a couple more, along with some Parachute songs, that I feel deserve some recognition.

Well, that's all folks! Just remember: "Love never fails" - 1 Corinthians 3:8.

In case you would like these lyrics for your own use, I got the above lyrics from here.

Marriage and the Like

As I was talking to Matt tonight, I subtly realized the many stages of "like" a person goes through. Let me explain. Let me preface this, of course. These are completely biased through my sheltered Christian point-of-view. I'm not saying this is how most relationships start, but I this is how mine have generally started in the past.

Here it goes:

First step: you notice the person. And not just, "hey, I sit by you in Biology," but more like "hey, I think you are pretty cute." You may not say that aloud, but that thought has definitely crossed your mind.

Second step: Social networking stalking begins. This is where you find him or her on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, etc. to find as much as possible about the person.  Mainly, you want to make sure you don't see the dreaded words "in a relationship" on their profile anywhere.

Third step: Getting to know him/her better. You either talk to them the next time you see them or you continue to follow his or her every move on the internet. Or, if you are like me, it may involve a combination of both.

Fourth step: You receive an alternative form of contact from the person, most-likely in the form of a phone number. This is where you start to talk to him/her outside of the engagement where you first met. Also, this is where you may contact him/her on their prospective social media profile to start communication that way.

Fifth step: You plan/organize/attend a gathering of some sort together. For Matt and I, it was an Aaron Gillespie concert. It was a blast, even though I was CERTAIN he didn't have feelings for me. Oh how wrong I was.

Sixth step: You either continue to talk to him/her or stop talking as often. If you continue to talk, you are hoping it goes somewhere further (boyfriend/girlfriend). If you stop talking, I'm assuming you found something that just didn't work out. Regardless, you now have another friend.

From there, I guess you know how it goes. You date and either get married or don't. At my age, I'm starting to see more relationships fall on the married side than the non-married side, which scares me.

When I was younger, I always knew I would wait a long time to get married, because I knew my career would be important to me. However, being surrounded by healthy Christian relationships makes me believe I don't have to wait until I'm 25 to get married.

Of course it's up to God's timing and not my own when I should get married. And the guy in the situation has a lot to do with the decision as well. Just six months ago, I was so scared of not getting married until I was 30. I had no one in my life and that's all I could think of. Now that I have someone in my life, I realize that's not the best thing to look forward to each day. I can look forward to seeing him and spending time with him. Who cares about marriage right now? Not me....yet.