I'll Cry if I Don't Want To

On the lengthy list of things about myself I wish I could change, being a "crier" definitely falls towards the top of that list. I find myself crying quite often, especially recently. I have cried at least once each day for the last 3 days straight for different reasons.

Here are situations when I find myself shedding a tear:

• When watching sad movies
• When watching happy movies
• When I get really angry
• When I hear an amazing song
• When compelled by the Holy Spirit during worship
• When watching a sad music video
• When I feel loved
• When I am too happy for words
• When I'm scared, especially when I am placed in a situation alone
• When I get frustrated
• When I disappoint others

These are just the ones I could recall within a couple of minutes. Trust me, this list could go on and on.

I found a section on WebMD.com which calls people who cry often, "criers." Wow, it's like a diagnosis. Crazy. There are sections for coping with crying and how to force yourself to stop when you are about to cry, like it is a rash or something.

It also mentions those who cry are more likely to be women who possess anxiety, empathy, or are extroverted. Well, as a self-proclaimed introvert who refuses to work in groups in classes unless it's absolutely necessary, I doubt it is the last one. So it dwindles down to my stressful nature, which is unlikely, or that I am empathetic. It's probably not my anxiety because I have only been stressed since college and I have always cried like a little girl for as long as I can remember.

That leaves the last reason of "empathy" as the demon that causes me to cry. Haha. Let's see here, I am the person who laughs at inappropriate times because I think it is funny when others get hurt. If that's not the opposite of empathy, I don't know what is. (I also realize this must change if I wish to become a successful Psychologist one day.)

Now, I must give myself some credit. I really do have a heart for small animals, babies, and those in need, among other groups of living things. Freshman year of college, all business students were forced to take a personality test to see where we would best fit in a business. You could be an entertainer, thinker, analyzer, or amiable. Of course, I scored amiable. What that means is that I am the one who should work in Human Resources because I somehow care about others. Go figure. Eryn got thinker, if that adds anything to this paragraph.

Long and pointless story short, I am known from different tests to be an amiable person. So I am going to say that is why I cry, especially when others are hurting. Now, I have yet to figure out why I cry when I get happy. It's weird, because when most people get happy, they smile, they laugh, they jump around. Not me. I get quiet, reserved, and I am often almost to the point of tears. I'm not sure why, but I do. For a self-proclaimed happy person, I would say most other people may not think that about me because I constantly seem like I am about to cry.

Chances are, I probably am about to cry. I think I have two states: I'm either crying or I'm on the verge of crying. It's a great quality to have if you want others to feel sorry for you. Just saying.

So, if you know me at all, you have most-likely heard, seen, caused, or wiped up my tears at one point in time. I apologize for that, but I also know it is a part of who I am. I guess you'll just have to deal with, because that's what I have to do as well.