Realizing the Problem

I am a strong believer in the motto: "The first step is admitting it." I am talking specifically with a problem, addiction, or struggle in a person's life.

For me, this problem is Compulsive Overeating. I have decided to share my journey with you on how I am overcoming this feat, one day at a time, in hopes that someone will be helped through my journey.

On Monday evening, I came back from a late meeting, and sat in my room, with many things I should have been doing. However, the one thing that I could do that would take these worries away was eat.

Now this wasn't just eating, this was a binge. From a pint of ice cream, to several cookies, to dry cereal. If it could be found in my dorm room, it was at risk of going into my mouth. Afterward, I felt terrible about it. Not physically, but emotionally. I knew this wasn't normal. I deserve better.

So I immediately reached out to a couple of resources to help me begin my journey. The first one was Overeater's Anonymous. This is a helpful website that offers resources such as pamphlets, connections, and support groups, all focused on overcoming compulsive overeating.

The OA website provides a twelve step solution program, twelve traditions, and nine tools to help with the healing process. This website is not just for over eaters, but for anyone who has an unhealthy relationship with food or an unhealthy body image.

One page on the website, was the realization that I have a problem and that I need help. Click here to see that same list of symptoms for overeating.

Another place to look for inspiration and support is the bible. If you have one near you at all times, that is a great comfort whenever a temptation arises. However, if you are online and are not near a bible, a great website to go to is Bible Gateway. You can look up different keywords and verses in several different translations to fit your preferences.

Now that I realize I have a problem, I am slowly taking steps to overcome it. With the support of my twin sister, Eryn, I am resisting temptation one day at a time. If an organized program is more of your style of recovery, I strongly urge you to look at Overeater's Anonymous.

I will close with my favorite bible verse that I say daily in order to help myself get through this process.

"For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." -Philippians 4:13 NLT

Good luck on your journey and know there is someone going through the same thing as you. If you need support, have questions, or just would like to talk, feel free to contact me at my email here.

God bless.

Fellowship

Fellowship. What an amazing word.

Dictionary.com gives eight definitions, but I am referring to number four: communion, as between members of the same church. This evening's fellowship, however, consisted of members from two different churches: Capitol City and Saylorville.

I had a wonderful time with Eryn, Kody, and Mary on a beautiful night. What could be better than catered Smokey D's, a massive (too large) bonfire, 30ish Christian college students, and a marshmallow fight? I can't think of anything.

As I was looking further into the meaning of fellowship, definition number five also caught my eye: friendliness. What a perfect outlook on fellowship. I have grown up in the Baptist faith, where fellowship usually means friends, food, and fun. But think about this: what if we continued to look at fellowship as a synonym for friendliness? Does that change what we think of fellowship?

In my mind, nothing changes. This is because I find it hard to be anything but friendly when I am around fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I like looking at fellowship in a way that is more inviting, more comforting, more of everything I am irresistibly in love with about God and my faith.

God bless fellowship. God bless faith, friends, fun, and friendliness as well.

Where to go from Here?

A reality check hit me hard today: I need to ace the rest of my exams in order to earn another 4.0 this semester. Grades are the one thing I have always had. The one thing I have going for me at this moment, because I really don't have much else to set myself apart from others.

I am not trying to be pessimistic, but realistically, I don't know where to go from here. I am seriously falling apart in every sense of this phrase. I have succumbed to private tutoring for one of my classes which Eryn and my roommate literally passed with a 99%. In order to struggle with a 90% I need this extra help. In another class, my next two tests need to be 95% or higher, because the first two were 72% and 80% respectively. Another class that is based on the tests alone, I need to ace the final three tests and the final to receive an A.

I don't know what is wrong with me.

In addition to the grades, I used to be someone who would eat healthy no matter what. I just loved eating healthfully and took care in my body. I was not happy, but I was not disgusted with my body either. I am disgusted with my body now. I know I am better than this eating disorder that I currently have. I just don't know how to stop eating and my body is taking the brunt of it.

Lastly, I have cried at least every other day for the last three weeks, sometimes more often. What the heck is wrong with me? Kaila is supposed to be the happy, optimistic girl. The one with the contagious personality. The level-headed one who wasn't bothered by much. Now my life revolves around my problems, complaining, or negativity. I consciously try to turn things into positive thoughts, but right now, it is nearly impossible.

There went my "smarts," "body," and "happy personality." On top of this, I am worried about never getting married. I am so confused with what God wants in my life as far as a boyfriend goes and it worries me. I am surprisingly patient in waiting, but I wish I knew more about what I should be looking for. At any rate, what guy would be attracted to the mess I am in right now anyway?

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." -Phil 4:13