Understanding What God Wants for Me

I should stop getting myself into situations that will just end up hurting me in the end. But what do I do when I feel like God is finally pulling me in the direction that I want to go in? I can't read what He wants, so I continue to pray for His control in my life. However, exactly what I would want is coming true, and this makes me a little nervous.

Here's the scenario. There's a guy, Nathan, that I've gotten a little closer to lately. Since getting his number, the following night I finally got the nerve to text him and see what he was up to. Unfortunately, he was working, but said he didn't mind texting me. That was pretty cool.

Then there's the regret later that night because I don't want to seem too eager; that's just not my style. I want him to think I am just a friend. So I decided I would follow God's will and wait until Nathan contacted me first. If he didn't make any effort, then I would have nothing to lose.

Of course he texted me the next day, and I was like a freshman in high school: all giddy and happy. Though the conversation wasn't long, it was enough. Again, that night, I prayed that God would have control in whatever may happen in my life. I prayed that He would have his hand in all the relationships in my life, putting the people in my life for their true purpose.

Guess who I saw at church today for the first time since I met him? Talk about another giddy schoolgirl. Gosh, I really don't like that I act like that, but I can't help it. What is God telling me? I wish I could read what He wants in my life. We continued to text for the remainder of the day off and on, but I don't know what this means. God is taking him away from me in two weeks so a relationship would definitely be out of question.

Why have I fallen so hard and fast for this guy? What is in his heart? What are God's intentions in all of this? I guess there are a dozen unanswered questions that only God knows the answer to. For the first time in my life, I am letting everything go and allowing God to take control with a guy I like. The idea of not knowing is killing me though. But it's all for the glory of God and I know he has my best intentions in mind.

An Ice Cream Social and Steven Seagal

I haven't felt this way in a while, so it has caused me to write again. It's funny how I seem to only write when I am in one of two moods: super happy, or upset. I definitely have more emotions than these two, I promise.

Last night I went to the ice cream social with clarity. Gosh I had a wonderful time. For one thing, I made the perfect ice cream concoction. I had two scoops of vanilla with vanilla wafers, teddy grahams, reese's bits, cookie dough, and butterfinger bits. I was in sugar Heaven for sure. :)

Then Nathan invited Eryn, Kody, and me to go to his house afterward and watch a Steven Seagal movie. He usually invites us, but we always turn it down for one reason or another. But when he invited us last night, I realized the only reason I had ever said no in the past was because Eryn never wanted to go. Why should I let that dictate my decisions? I understand that she had Kody, so I can see why she would want to spend some time with him.

Anyway, I decided I would finally take him up on his offer and hang out. It was just Kaleb, Tom, Nathan, and me. They felt bad I was the only girl, but I am so used to it. I honestly prefer to hang out with a guy than a girl any day, so that was not a problem for me.

Nathan promised me before the movie began that I had never seen Steven Seagal before, but I definitely wanted to prove him wrong. When I saw him in the movie, he was definitely right, but I never once let him believe that. I think he forgot anyway. Tee hee...

After the movie, we all talked for a bit. I love talking to Christians. Since I am exposed to so many non-Christians at school, I know what it is like in conversation. Typically, conversations will turn out sexual or just immature, but not usually with Christians. It is so wonderful.

Good things about last night:

• Ice cream. Nuff said.
• I made some new friends and got closer to others.
• I finally got Nathan's number. Geez, that took forever. But I thank Eryn for every part of that. She is good for something I guess. ;)
• I can now contribute to a Steven Seagal conversation.
• I actually lived in the moment by doing what I wanted to do.
• I came home after midnight for the first time this summer. I need a social life. (This was a good thing because it was a realization of how boring I really am.)

With that, I say adios.

Just One Thing After Another

Last night I made a lengthy list of things I need to do today. I love lists, well, I love crossing items off lists.

However, for some reason, nothing is going as planned today. So very few things have been crossed off my list and it's already 3:00p.m. Ugh. Let me review.

I wrote down to finish my history homework, which consists of answering questions to passages I "read." No problem, that's an hour max. Wrong. One question requires me to interview someone who lived in Iowa from 1920 to 1940 and compare what I learned from today. I am not even an official Iowan, how on Earth am I supposed to find someone? I know my deceased grandpa was born in Harlan, Iowa in 1930. So with this information, there will probably be a lot of made up answers. All I need is a C in the class, so I don't care all that much.

Needless to say, I didn't answer one question yet, and therefore cannot say my homework is complete. Fine, I'll just vacuum the dirty carpet. Nope. It's kind of hard to vacuum if you can't find it anywhere in the entire house. Where on Earth could it have gone? Hopefully not too far, it was an Oreck.

So, I moved onto working on a couple of websites for a couple of clients. It started out well until my computer became too slow to open more than 5 pages at a time, and I couldn't get completed what I needed to. Awesome. I'll just move on.

As I was saving all of my work, Tyler woke up and went to take a shower. Dang it. I was about two minutes away from going to clean it. Now I have to wait a couple of hours before I go to clean it, because it is easier when the bathtub is dry.

So, now I sit, with two of my ten things crossed off my list: go on a morning run and do the dishes. Gosh, I wish this could have been a more productive day, especially since I slept the last two days away from feeling under the weather.

No matter how today goes, tonight I am going to church for a clarity ice cream social. I love God and I love ice cream, so tonight should be fun. :)

My Testimony

Growing up, my parents didn't attend church. I remember visiting church for my first time when I was eight for an Easter service with my dad and his close friend. I loved it: the music, the teachings, the people. It was a world I hadn't experienced before, but I knew it was something I wanted to be a part of.

As I got a little bit older, I began to attend church (I still remember the name: Freemont Freewill Baptist Church) on Wednesday nights while my parents went bowling. We watched Veggie Tales movies, played games, and talked about the bible. At the time, I didn't realize I was learning about God, I just thought it was a place where I could feel comfortable and nobody would judge me.

Sometime during my seventh grade year, I began to attend Wednesday night church with a couple of my close friends (I hung out with the "Christians" because they were a lot like me.) The major thing that separated me from my friends was that they had a personal relationship with God, and frankly, I didn't. I was a good kid, but nothing more.

Attending church on Wednesdays changed my life forever. We dove into the bible headfirst and I knew I was missing out pretty quickly. Then, at the age of 13, in February of my 7th grade year, I accepted Christ in my room before going to bed one evening. It was the best feeling... I came to school the next day and told Eryn, Shay, Ashley, Krystan, Stefany, and Logan that I had been saved. Of course they were so proud of me, but I didn't deserve that, they deserved all the credit because without them, I may have never accepted Christ.

However, I still didn't attend church on Sundays. When we turned 16, Eryn and I made a decision that we would start going to church when we received our licenses. And we did. I began going to Sunrise Community Church because Stephen, Krystan, and Stefany went there, so I knew I would feel at home. Plus, the Graingers were in charge of the church (Stephen's family), and if you don't know them, this is one of the nicest families that have walked on the face of this planet.

I attended Sunrise for a year, before Ashlea invited me to try out her church, Springhill Baptist Church. I decided to try it out, and fell in love with everything. However, I continued to attend Sunrise because I knew telling the Graingers I found another church would probably tear me to pieces.

After months of prayer, I realized God was telling me to attend Springhill, because it had a developed youth program. As a baby Christian, I needed all the growth I could get. So I wrote a letter to LeAnn and Brad, explaining how wonderful they had treated me at Sunrise, because I was too torn apart to tell them in person. I am pretty sure the two paragraph letter took me several hours to write. To this day, that is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The Graingers were completely understanding and wished me great joy and growth at my new church. Of course, I wouldn't expect anything less from such a stand up family.

The move to Springhill was amazing for my Christian walk. I began to start a daily quiet time, something I had no idea existed before, and I volunteered to help around the community with others my age. Under the supervision of Brian, the youth pastor, my relationship with God grew quicker than I imagined. Brian is also one of the best people I have ever come in contact with. He has changed my life in more ways than any one single person I know. Plus, I began my first relationship with another Christian, which helped make my senior year of high school the best year of my life.

I then moved to Des Moines for college and went through the process of finding a church all over again. After attending a couple of churches, I fell in love with Capitol City Baptist Church. I know this is where God wants me, and if it is in His will, I hope to stay here and raise my family within this church.

Through my journey, my dad has attended many church services, but only because he wanted to visit his daughters. Otherwise, he doesn't believe in the teachings or principles, which is hard for me. My mom, on the other hand, fully supports my Christian life, but wants nothing to do with it. She thinks of Christianity as "a sign of weakness, because you rely on God to control your life." This is hard for me to deal with because my mom is the least accepting person I know. It took me several hours to acquire the courage to invite her to Sunday morning church one Saturday evening, to be turned down quickly.

Through prayer, the only answer I have come up with is that God has put Eryn and me in my parents's lives to receive everlasting salvation from Jesus Christ. My dad is close, but not quite there. And my mom, well, that's where my work is cut out for me. But I know all things are possible with God, so with His help, I plan to see both of my parents alongside me in Heaven one day.

Carrie Underwood and Bribery

After living away from home almost a year from now, I have forgotten the little tricks I used to use on my parents. I'm not manipulative, I'm persuasive.

For instance, Eryn and I decided we REALLY want to go see Carrie Underwood in December but don't really want to spend money on the tickets. So while I was home a couple of days ago, I told my mom I already know what I want for my birthday present, jokingly (kind of.) I told her tickets to see Carrie Underwood would be amazing. She asked how much the ones I was looking at cost and I told her the amount. She was all for the idea. Yay! :) I found a pair of tickets for dirt cheap on craigslist (and they are legit) and I am going to see Carrie Underwood on my mom's expense.

Another trick that inadvertently works on my parents is always saying yes when they offer money. I think they "bribe" me to come home by offering to pay for gas, but I don't even care, it works. It gets me to come home and see them and I don't have to pay for the gas. Heck, I usually end out ahead because my car is a beast and has great gas mileage, which both my parents always forget.

Don't get me wrong, I would love my parents the same regardless if they pay for me to come home or not. I loved them oodles when I lived there and I entirely supported myself. I guess it's a fair deal: I pay my way 100% through college and they can pay for me to come and see them. Speaking of, I am going home on Friday. :) I already can't wait.

Wrong Timing

I stayed up late last night preoccupied with a new hobby of mine: finding kids I went to elementary school with and stalking them on facebook. Don't judge me until you've tried it. Then you can tell me how creepy it actually is. Oh my, how so many people change. Sadly, most of the changes were not for the better. So many girls had children, a handful had gotten into harmful behaviors, and others have not done anything with their lives after high school. On the flip side, I was happy to see a couple of my past classmates were involved in their churches or going away for college. I stayed up way too late just to find out "where they are now."

Today I went to go and see Eclipse with Blake. He had purchased the tickets on Sunday, so we were able to walk in at 10:30 for an 11:00 showing. Neither of us bothered to read the tickets and we walked into the theater that said "Eclipse." (Word to the wise: when watching the most popular movie at the theater, there are usually multiple theaters for the same movie.)

Since we haven't seen each other in a while, we began to talk. At 10:50 I checked the time and there was still nobody in the theater besides us, but we continued to talk. The next thing I knew, it was 11:15 and the movie still hadn't started. Blake then realized we had walked into the wrong theater and were waiting for a later showtime. Suddenly, a woman walked into the theater and began to search for a seat. Blake asked her what time the show began and she said she thought 11:30. So we just waited for the movie to begin and there were no problems. That's the first time I've ever done that.

After the movie, we decided to grab some Andy's Frozen Custard. I grabbed my wallet and locked the doors, because my ipod was in the front seat. I then ordered a concrete with peanut and bananas. It was the BEST THING I HAVE EVER EATEN AT ANDY'S. I highly recommend everyone traveling through Springfield to order this combination. I was so happy about the party in my mouth, that I didn't realize I wasn't holding my keys, which means I locked my keys in my car.

Great.

But, my dad came to the rescue and came almost two hours later to bring a spare key we had made for that specific purpose. I was able to spend more time with Blake before he had to go to work, so it made the day better. So I definitely locked the keys in my car on purpose. For sure.