I realized yesterday that I work nearly full time (35 hours a week) and still go to school full time. I don't understand how I didn't see this before, but it's the truth. With that being said, I care very much about my grades. In fact, I only work so I can pay for school. That's it. However, I try to do my best at work. I don't want to be seen as a slacker or someone who just has each job to pay the bills, I want to be seen as someone who works hard.
Yesterday, I was scolded by my boss at one job for not meeting a deadline on her calendar. I didn't want to argue, but this honestly was not my fault. There was absolutely nothing I could do. I had to wait on the printing company to send me mailing materials, so I could send out invites to our alumni. The materials came 5 days late (on the day we were supposed to have them prepared and sent out). I didn't have time to work on them when they came, especially because I was off work and needed to work on homework. When I came into work yesterday, I was told to make sure it is completely finished and that it was all my fault. By the power of God, I was completely submissive and strong. I nodded and worked on it for 5 hours until it was finished.
I was angry, but being angry solved nothing. So I did what I had to do and felt terrible for her getting upset at me the entire time. If I could have fixed it, I would have.
Let's fast forward to the reason I am actually writing today. I just got out of my second exam for Drugs and Behavior, a class I am taking for my psychology major. As part of the major, we have to take at least one class in every section: development, behavior, clinical (my favorite), and biology (my least favorite). Of course this is my biology emphasis class and I am taking the lowest level (supposedly easiest) class in the biology section. I have come to one conclusion: I suck at biology-based classes.
I studied very well for the exam for today. I honestly knew my notes back and forth. I get to the test and completely blank. I have never done this for any class except this one. It's like I don't even recognize some terms on the exam. He also teaches it in a way where we have to know the large chemical processes and names back and forth, which kills me. I knew I disliked biology in high school.
Anyway, I got out of the exam realizing there is NO WAY I got an A on that. If I got a B, I will probably cry because that is also very unlikely. I NEED an A in that class for many reasons:
- I need a 4.0 from here on out to graduate with highest honors
- This is a LOWER LEVEL class which means it's an easy A for most people
- I am on the lower end of the class, which is unlike me. I am not used to being the only one that just doesn't get it. This is very frustrating.
Anyway, I have plans to talk to my professor after spring break to see what I can do to improve my grade. It genuinely frustrates me that I just don't get the material.
I tell Matt this often, but I honestly can't wait until I graduate from Drake and go to grad school. It won't matter how well I do in grad school, because I won't have to worry about getting good grades while struggling for money to survive. I don't regret having to work this much to make ends meet, because I grew up this way. So this is nothing new. It's just one of those days for me that I wish I could be like the other 95% of Drake students who have daddy's credit card to pay for their luxuries, let alone just to survive. Maybe I could spend more time on my classes. Just maybe this wouldn't be an issue for me. Just maybe.
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