I Don't Know About You, But I'm Feeling...18?

A recent trend at work has occurred. This trend is the exact opposite of what I have experienced in my life before.

I work with high school girls in a group home, providing them trauma-informed care. I chose this position because of my age and because I love the high transition years. Part of my position requires me to transport my clients (10 high school girls) around the community. We may go to doctor's appointments, social gatherings, baseball games, or the library. Although it is enjoyable taking clients out in the community (at times), I have found a new enjoyment in doing so.

Let me digress for a second. Since I was young, I have always been told I look older than I actually am. I was typically one of the tallest people in my class throughout elementary and middle school, so I attributed it to my height. However, after I stopped growing, the comments continued. In fact, when I was in high school, many people thought I was in college. Even still, when I was in college, many people assumed I was a career professional.

Back to my current position. I was hit on by a high school boy last night while taking girls to a social gathering. When one of my clients responded, "ew! She's a staff!" he didn't respond with anything but a smile and walking away.

This has happened repeatedly in my job. I took a client to the doctor's office about a month ago and the doctor wanted to see her staff member. He asked her if she could call a staff member because a friend wouldn't do. This "friend" was me. I politely told the doctor that I am a staff member and that I am six years older than the client. He stared at me for a brief moment, then nodded and proceeded with the information.

This backwards thinking is very odd to me. I haven't started looking any younger in the past three months and I sure hope I haven't started acting less mature. I honestly wish I could pinpoint why this phenomenon is happening, but until then, I will bask in the thought of people thinking I am in high school. :)

To Wed, or Not to Wed

I recently stumbled upon a blog about the life of a young married couple. As much as I could say, years ago, that I was going to wait until 25 or older to get married, that is the exact opposite of what I want today. At 22, I feel my time ticking.

Helping Eryn with her wedding has changed my perspective on what is "too young" to get married. As long as the two people are in God's word, then they should decide what age is most God-honoring. I believe that some people can be ready to be married at 19 if they are financially stable and mature. While others could never be married before 30 for the opposite reason.

I have always been interested in the institution of marriage. Since my parents divorced when I was 9, I developed a false sense of what marriage should be. Although I have always persisted on the idea of marriage lasting forever, I assumed marriage happened between two people who could tolerate one another. I never thought about the love and friendship aspects of marriage.

Majoring in psychology has only fueled my interest in the institution of marriage. Although I continually change my ideal career, I know that there are many things I could do in life and be completely happy. One thing would be to become a marriage and family counselor. The family unit is such an important object in the world today. Without it, there would be no future generations.

I cannot wait to get my Master's and begin my career in wherever God leads me. And I sure hope by that time I will have a wedding ring on my finger!

Home is Where the Heart Is

Life constantly changes. One minute we are headed toward our dreams and madly in love, the next minute we are single and our world comes crashing down before us. We must rely on God in order to make it through these tough times.

Matt moved to Iowa on Saturday and I am still trying to get used to the feeling of a long distance relationship once again. This keeps happening to us. We keep flip flopping from Iowa to Missouri in order to fulfill our dreams, leaving the other one by the wayside.

Matt has moved on to a great job and training that will hopefully prepare him for school when he starts in August. Iowa is the best place for him right now.

For me, I have never felt more alone. I no longer have Eryn and of course Matt just left. I am living with my mom and her cat while working a part time job that pays nothing. Talk about unfulfilling. I made this realization that I am going nowhere fast about two months ago. I honestly didn't know what the best solution would be. I just knew that I needed to find something different in life.

I was accepted to Evangel University graduate program that I thought would be great for me. I quickly found out that the program did not challenge me. Rather, it caused me to spend money on a course that I learned nothing from. I have to make a change.

This fall, I will take a course in Drake's grad program until I can be fully accepted in the spring. I plan to move to Iowa when I can get a full time job and a place to live lined up. I will attend the church that I know and love, while seeing the people that I miss the most.

This ping pong stage in my life right now is not ideal, but it took me moving back to Missouri to realize there is nothing down here for me anymore. Iowa is where my new home is and that is the place I miss the most.

http://heartsticker.com

Sharing Secrets

While reading PostSecret on Sunday, I found this secret in honor of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. This is another example of how mental illness controls one's life.

Every once in awhile (on days I feel fat) I share this same view. On days where I am weak, I wish I could have that control and feeling of power in my life that I had back then. It seems unreasonable that a person could want to fall back into her mental illness, but we all have guilty pleasures. Mine is the feeling of control I get from looking great.

When I saw this secret, I felt like I could have posted it myself. It is so nice to have a community where many can share their secrets. It helps us realize that we are more alike as humans than we probably thought beforehand.

Don't get the idea that I am suddenly going to stop eating, because I am recovered and that will NEVER be me again. I suppose maybe it is the time of my life that I miss. Regardless, I hope that sharing my story will help other girls see that they are not the only ones who feel a certain way. With God's strength, those girls too can get over the urge to starve.

Ice Cream is the Best Medicine

Today was one of those days when I came home and thought "I could definitely use some ice cream." That is indeed what I did.

I volunteered to judge for the FBLA district competition today. It was interesting to see the talent across different schools in the district. The competition was called digital production and design because it involved elements of designing items for a company and presenting their findings.

Today, I only judged the presentation portion, but I gave my fair share of opinions on the design elements. I realized I do not tolerate spelling errors, poor presentation skills, and horrible color schemes.

I then went to work shortly after and ran my first closing shift. Although the only change in my shift was after the store closed, my focus shifted to other things that I didn't notice before. I am determined to do better at my job in order to get a potential raise as First Assistant Manager in August. During close, it took me twice as long as I wanted it to, but Mallory helped me figure out what went wrong. Luckily, she had personally closed the store before so she was very helpful.

So I came home after a long day, got a bowl of ice cream, and relaxed. That is exactly what I needed after a day like today.

Expect the Unexpected

If someone had told me on December 14, 2012 that two months later I would be working at Maurices, taking a class, and experiencing more free time than I ever thought possible, I would have said they were crazy. Well, they actually would have been exactly right.

God works in amazing ways. He knows what is better for me than I could have ever dreamed. The free time is nice because I hadn't really felt that in over 3 1/2 years. The sales associate job also brings me back to high school, even if it is a little stressful.

The best part about being a part-time bum is that I can spend much overdue time with Cheeto. I missed having a cat at home since moving to college, so it is nice to spend my days with him. He is crazy and spunky, but I love him to death. I have never met a cat that loves being upside down, but this cat definitely loves it!

What Day Is It?

I've been out of college for one week now. Although it has been relaxing, there has been some stress involved with being unemployed. Yes, as a college graduate, I cannot find a job. Doesn't seem right, does it? I paid so much money to go to a great college. I worked my booty off every week to help pay for college. And studied more than any human should to graduate with honors at Drake.

I also can't believe Christmas is almost here. It definitely doesn't feel this close to Christmas! It got up to 59 degrees today, which is crazy. Although it is Missouri, it is still usually much colder this time of the year. But who's complaining?

It's nice to be this lazy with this great of weather. While it lasts, I think I will continue to enjoy it!