A Blessing a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

Today has been a great day for many reasons:

• I took my first test for Drugs and Behavior. Afterward, I feel confident that I got at least a B+, which is great considering it is biology, something I dislike greatly. We'll see when we get our tests back how I actually did, but I am optimistic.
• I got my test back for Theories of Personality that I took last week. I was one of 3 A's in the class, where the rest got B's or even C's. He said he graded easy, which could have been possible, but I still think mine went well. I feel confident I can get an A in this class.
• I brought in homework for my marketing class today to ask the professor if I am on the right track. I showed him my paper and within a second of seeing it, he said "yep, you're good. Great job. Just write about it and you're good." That is an awesome feeling, though I wasn't super surprised because the one thing I can do in this world is math.

....and it's raining. This is great for many reasons, but the best reason is that it means it is actually warm enough outside to rain. Not snow, but rain. What a great day!

Blessings come to those who notice. Today, I definitely noticed my blessings. 

Social Anxiety

My current feeling: fear.

Why? Because one of my biggest fears is being too shy in a new situation. Let me explain. I got invited to go bowling tonight with Psi Chi (Psychology honors society) by a friend I sit by in my psychology classes. I am also in Psi Chi but my schedule hasn't allowed me to go to the club meetings. 

Anyway, when she invited me, I initially told her it sounded fun but that I may be babysitting. Aka...I know have a scapegoat to get out of it without sounding like I don't want to go. Even if I got off from babysitting earlier, I knew I could use homework as an excuse and all would be well. 

Here I sit, most of my week's homework done already, scared to death to go tonight. I will probably cling to my friend and be extremely quiet, like I typically am in new situations. I have made plans to go so I'm going. You are probably thinking, why are you scared to go bowling?

Here's the answer: I am afraid of social situations. Not just afraid, but I spend hours worrying about social situations where I am new and don't know many people. Hence why I dropped my marketing major: networking scares me to death and it is a requirement every semester for marketing majors at Drake. 

I fear this is perceived wrong to others. For instance, I went to church on Tuesday to help clean out the ball bit at Kid's Block after I got done babysitting. When I got there, I found Matt, my comforter, and clung to him. It's not that I don't like the others whatsoever. In fact, I love the people I go to church with, I am just afraid to approach them. I've even known some of these people for 2.5 years and I still fall back into shyness.

Here's another example: after I dropped the girls off and was done babysitting, Dannie, their dad, invited me to dinner. I immediately panicked because that sounded scary and simply horrible. Not because of the people, but because of the new situation. I didn't mean to lie, but I told him I had a meeting tonight. I really plan to go bowling instead, but neither event would interfere with another. 

Why do I do this? I scare myself so intensely that I almost cannot think of anything else. I know everyone else will have a blast bowling tonight, so I should as well. I am going because I have to get over my fear. I have no other reason to skip out besides this fear. It's horrible.

I met with a friend a couple of weekends ago for coffee. She told me one thing she recently learned is that fear is not from God, but from our humanly sins. God even says "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" in Isaiah 41:10. My friend is right...all of these fears I am having are solely from me not relying on God. It's difficult to overcome, but I am going to try my hardest to have a wonderful time tonight. 

This may seem like a silly fear, but it is something I really struggle with. I'll get over it and all will be well, I know it will be. I just wish I could gain the courage to step out and approach even someone I know well for first time in years. I can't even think of the last time I have initiated a conversation in person with anyone besides Matt or Eryn. God, please give me the strength to have a good time tonight and enjoy the company of others. 

Babysitting Wonders

I have been the nanny for Abby and Hailey for a solid 2 weeks now. These girls are wonderful. They listen when I talk to them and they get along well. They are both very intelligent and enjoy the act of learning. Though they have different personalities, they both respect others and invest a lot of time in things they love.

Granted, these girls are 6 and 10, but they act as if they are much older. They know how to make their own dinner and can do the dishes on their own. Now, I don't make them do either task because I am there, but this is what they have told me.

Hailey and Abby are two very different people. Hailey is 10, is crafty, loves science, and can describe every nook and cranny of a place she's been to once. Hailey will also negotiate her way around any situation and give valid points as to why she should get her way. Let's just say this girl likes to talk.

Abby, on the other hand, is very quiet. Their parents weren't sure if Abby knew how to talk until recently because Hailey usually speaks for her. Abby loves to read and color, both of which she is good at. Abby also loves learning. If she doesn't understand something, she always asks questions. Though Abby is quiet, she will not put up with anyone or anything that bothers her. She will quietly leave the situation and do something else to occupy her time.

I enjoy watching these girls. They bring joy to my life. A joy that I hope to feel one day when I have my own children. The girls also make me things at school, which I think is the cutest. I have kept every single thing they have given me. In a later post, I will describe each one and the significance they bring to my life.

If things go well, I have a full time nanny job over the summer. That, I can handle. :)

Three Course Dinner Date

Yesterday was the perfect day. I would not have changed a single thing about it.

About a week ago, I brought up the idea of having a three course dinner date. For this date, we would go to one location for an appetizer, one for the main entree, and one for dessert. Matt took to this idea so well that he decided we should do that yesterday.

I met Matt at Chili's at 1 to have our appetizer of loaded nachos. I must say, they were pretty darn good. Yummy. I've never eaten them before, but I would definitely recommend the nachos. Knowing we wouldn't be able to eat all three courses at once, I suggested we go get dessert, then eat dinner later in the evening.

I took Matt to TCBY in Ankeny for some froyo. It was different (and frankly, not as good) than Orange Leaf, but it was still great. You can't go wrong with ice cream or any alteration of this goody.

After driving me around Ankeny, showing me his different schools, I had to go to Des Moines to pick up Abby and Hailey (the girls I babysit) from school. I took them home and waited for their mom to get home before I excitedly texted Matt. We were both starving by the time I was done babysitting at 7:45, so we were ready for a hardy dinner.

We decided on Zombie Burger, because I loved it the first time I went and Matt wanted to try it. After an hour long wait, we were seated just around 9:30 for dinner. He got a burger with BBQ sauce, cheese, ranch and other things I don't care for. I ordered the Dawn of the Dead, a burger with fried egg, cheese and meat. Oh my, was it delicious! I will definitely get that again.

We decided to go all out and order a wedding cake shake after dinner, as if we weren't full enough! Of course, this was also delicious. I can't find a single thing I don't love about Zombie Burger. I understand why the wait was so long on a Friday night. We then talked for probably another hour and left the place around 11:00. (FYI, the place closes at midnight, in case you are ever wondering.) One of the best qualities about our relationship is that we get along so well. He is no doubt my best friend. I wouldn't trade up what we have for anything less than God's will for us to discontinue this relationship.

If you haven't tried Zombie Burger, I would highly recommend it. Even if you don't care for meat, there are vegetarian options. ;)

Also, if you are looking for a great date idea, you should definitely try the three course dinner date. From experiencing a modified version, I LOVED it.

Hungry for The Hunger Games

I must obsess, once more, about The Hunger Games. I was so excited about the first book, that I got the other two for Eryn's Nook and finished the last one yesterday.

I'm a sucker for love stories, hence why I enjoy Twilight so much. The Hunger Games, however, is a different perspective on love. Of course, the main character, Katniss, must choose between her lifelong friend, Gale, or the baker's son, Peeta. At the end, I actually cried, because I wasn't sure I liked who she picked. Then I realized it's just a book and I need to move on with my life. 

Please read these books if you haven't. You will not regret that decision. It's a better version of The Uglies series, if you have read that before. 

I get excited to hear the movie is coming out in March. I will probably get all excited like I have with Twilight and Harry Potter in the past. 

Isn't it amazing how reading can take one out of their own world and put them into an entirely different world? We are so blessed to have the capability to escape this world through words. Praise God.

Oh and in case you were wondering, I'm definitely team Peeta. ;)

Mr. Wrong?

While reading Psychology Today last night before bed, I read an article titled: "Are you with the right mate?" This was interesting because I know many people can relate to this feeling, especially married couples. 

This article was geared toward the person who has ever woken up one day and felt like he or she was with the wrong person. The article gave many ideas on what this feeling means and how to overcome it. Here are some points I found worth passing along:

The moment you are in a relationship and decide you may be with the wrong person is the first real day of the relationship. Before this point, relationships usually go well. Even if there are arguments, they are probably resolved, because you are still at that point where you could see a future with this person. The author says that when you suddenly think you have made a mistake is when you have to start working in the relationship. When you start working at the relationship is a preview to how it will be when you are married one day. 

Unreasonable expectations can cause a relationship to fail. This may seem like a no-brainer, but it is indeed true. According to the article, women tend to hold higher expectations once in a relationship, thus why women initiate 2/3 of all divorces. To me, divorce is when one or both people give up on trying in a marriage. Women, however, tend to initiate these, because they expect the man they married to be their knight in shining armor 'til death do us part. You may understand that your significant other likes hiking and gory movies and you have accepted that. However, when you learn more about them and realize their love for hiking means you have to make a sacrifice to go hiking every so often, some tend to give up, thinking that is not acceptable. In reality, the good comes with the bad. God created us to be imperfect, unlike Him, so we cannot expect perfection.

Most times, assuming you are with the wrong person actually means you are not being the right wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend. Like in the previous example, your boyfriend may love hiking, and one day, decides to invite you with him on a 13 mile hike. Because you have never hiked a day in your life and you don't care for the outdoors, you say no. However, you are the one who decides he is the wrong person, when, in reality, you refused to compromise and participate in something he enjoys instead. Relationships always require work from both people. 

The takeaway from feeling like you are with the wrong person is that you need to examine the entire situation. Are you actually the one at fault? Do you have overly high expectations of the person you are with? Did you expect marriage to be easier than it actually is?

Though I am clearly not married, I hope to counsel married couples one day. I found this interesting, whether self-explanatory for some or not, because I know many people can relate to feelings of doubt. Times like this are when you must refer to the Word of God and rely on His teachings to get you through a tough point in a marriage.

"So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." - Matthew 19:6

We are to get through the rough times, as well as the easy times. If marriage were easy, there wouldn't be pre-marriage counseling, or vows, or entire professions devoted to counseling marriages. If ever you struggle, just remember that God will take care of it. 

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." – Proverbs 3:5-6

"I Got You Right Where I Want You"

Matt and I met at Cafe Diem in Ankeny this morning to do a bible study together. Earlier this week, we decided we wanted to start the bible study that we have promised ourselves we would do together.

We found a teen study book, but it had a couple of good studies. The study we chose was about worshiping God together. It spoke about going to church together when things start to get serious, because it is such an intimate thing. It also mentioned that worshiping together can expose one another to our spiritual values and our hearts.

Of course that has been easy for us because we met at church and we have attended it together since meeting last May. After finishing our study, it created the perfect segue into talking about August.

In August, Matt is leaving Des Moines to go to Springfield for college at Baptist Bible College. He took a year off and now wants to go back to finish his education that is preparing him for his calling into children's ministry. Unfortunately, this leaves us 5 hours apart from that point on. 

madamenoire.com

Fortunately, however, we are each going to school in the other's hometown, so visiting home can also mean visiting one another. Things will still be different than they are now, of course. Simple things like going to church together or holding our hands when we pray will no longer be possible. And since I love to plan ahead, I am already preparing how the distance will be hard. 

It is more than just not seeing him. I know I can live without him, but the thing that worries me is missing him. He has become my best friend, my confidant, and some days, the reason I get up in the morning. Right now, we struggle with just a day apart from one another, so when next year rolls around, weeks at a time will be hard.

We are struggling with the idea of what to do. We currently see each other nearly every day because our schedules allow for that. However, it may be better to start going days apart, then maybe weeks apart now, so it isn't such a shock when he leaves. On the other hand, would it be better to take advantage of the opportunity we have now to see each other while he's still around?

Either way, God will take care of us. He always seems to do that. And though it may be a struggle, we will make it out alive. 

"[we] can do all things through Christ who strengthens [us.]" - Phil 4:13

I feel like this verse will become my best friend over the next year.