Learning from the Past

I recently opened up to Matt about my past relationships. Through my limited experience with relationships, I have developed the following conclusions about relationships:

• Your first love isn't always your last
• Poor communication is the number one reason for breakups/fights
• If someone brings you down, you shouldn't be with them
• He should love God more than he loves you
• If you would rather be awake because your life with him is better than dreaming, he's a keeper
• The second you find out he isn't worth marrying, end the relationship. Every second you spend together after that point is just wasted. 
• Just because he is a "good" guy, that doesn't automatically make him "boring"
• He should challenge you mentally
• He should make you laugh daily
• He should make you feel like the most beautiful girl on Earth
• Bad boys are a waste of time
• Never settle. It is better to stay single for several years than jump from failed relationship to failed relationship.
• Don't count out the guy who doesn't perfectly fit your ridiculously high standards because he may just be "the one"

It's funny because I stayed single for over 3 years, because I refused to settle for a mediocre guy. I also have ridiculously high standards, which I thought would make me single for the rest of my life. Then, I met Matt. The biggest difference between him and the other guys I dated was that he didn't immediately drop cheesy pick up lines on me. Instead, he wanted us to get to know each other as friends before dating was ever a thought. That was the thing that stood out about him so I'm not surprised he's been my longest relationship.

Ultimately, I want to go all cliche for a second and say that he must be your best friend or it won't work. Matt has been my only relationship where we were each other's best friend and it has made all of the difference. Our communication is wonderful, though we always have times where it isn't storybook perfect. 

I wish I could have read this list possibly 6 years ago, when I first started dating. I would not have had those 3 month relationships that were just silly. I guess we all have to be young and naive at one point in our lives, don't we?

Song Lyrics

Recently I have discovered new bands and rediscovered old bands I haven't listen to in awhile. Here are a couple of verses from a couple of songs that stood out to me. I'm a sucker for beautiful lyrics.

Hedley - Hiding Place

If you fall I'll catch you
If the world comes at you
You can always run to me
I'll be your hiding place
And if the stars burn out of the sky
And your heart lost it's light, just never let me go
And I'll scare your fears away
Yeah I'll be your hiding place

Boys Like Girls - Be Your Everything

Four letter word
But I don't have the guts to say it
Smile 'til it hurts
Let's not make it complicated
We've got a story
But I'm about to change the ending
You're perfect for me
And more than just a friend
So we can just stop pretending now
Gotta let you know somehow

He is We - I Wouldn't Mind

Forever is a long, long time.
But I wouldn’t mind spending it by your side.
Tell me, everyday I get to wake up to that smile.
I wouldn’t mind it at all.
I wouldn’t mind it at all.

Hedley - Perfect

I'm not perfect, but I keep trying'
Cause that's what I said I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave
Was it something I said or just my personality?

These are my current obsessions. We are all allowed to have obsessions, right?

Gentlemen

I honestly think one of the hardest things to do is raise Godly children. Granted, I have never raised any kids of my own, but from what I hear, it must be pretty difficult.

Whilst on Pinterest, I found this pin. Before birth, God decides whether each one of us will be a boy or a girl. For those who receive the correct genes, they become boys at birth. Then, when they turn 18, they fully become men (according to the government, at least). However, becoming a gentleman is a much greater decision.

Gentlemen:

• Respect girls and women
• Hold traditional values of holding open doors and paying for dates with girls
• Prefer to know much more about a girl on the inside than what she looks like on the outside
• Love their moms
• Are willing to make sacrifices for their girl without considering them sacrifices
• Focuses on how to grow in his relationship with the Lord at the same time his girl is growing in her relationship with the Lord
• Is understanding with a gentle heart and easily forgives

I have a gentleman. The funny thing is that most girls like to chase after guys who are not good for them at one point in their lives. I personally have done that twice. Once during Sophomore year of high school, then the second guy during Freshman year of college. Eventually, God led me to a gentleman.

If you have ever heard "God Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts, the lyrics are stunningly perfect. 

Every long lost dream led me to where you are

Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Never settle for less than a gentleman. I promise you he comes around, even when you least expect it. God knows what He's doing and he put a gentleman on this Earth for every girl. We just have to be open to waiting for him. 

Complications

I have three more days of camp left. That means only three more days of waking up "too early" to spend an entire day with 1st and 2nd grade students. Three more days of the most unrewarding job I have ever had. The only thing I am going to miss is my lucky draw of great co-workers. I think we all feel similarly about our job, so we bond over this. 

However, I am in a situation I never thought I would ever be in. Matt is convinced and I may just be convinced as well, that I have a co-worker who is hitting on me. However, with how much I talk about Matt with my co-workers, I thought it was obvious I am happily taken. I guess not. 

Let's get the facts straight first. He has visited me at my second job three times because he said he feels bad that I am lonely at work. He visits my classroom after camp every day if he is working at the same location as me, just to see how my day went. And today, I needed a favor and he bent over backwards for me to solve my problem. I seriously didn't ask for that, he just did that. When I am with my co-workers, he brings up my boyfriend frequently and somehow remembers what I say about Matt.

My view: I think he is a nice guy. I work with mostly girls and I know he is nice toward them too. I have the belief that he is just a nice guy like that. 

Matt's view: he is chasing after me, though he knows I am taken. 

This situation has actually caused disagreements between Matt and I because we both want the situation to be done with. I fear that I unintentionally lead him on, possibly to the point where I am flirting with him. Matt fears he is being overprotective of me and untrusting of me. 

I am not sure what this actually is, but I hope it ends shortly. My co-worker is a nice guy who could get any other girl, but me. I am 100% taken and no guy will change that. I hope this situation has opened Matt's eyes to see that I am totally happy being with him and not any other guy. 

My prayer is that my co-worker stops visiting me at my second job when my summer job ends and he finds himself a good girl for him. This girl will not be that girl. 

Without Matt

This is a blog post about Matt. If you are already sick of hearing about him, I apologize. You may skip this one and move onto another post.

Matt has been gone in Canada since Thursday, so only 4 days, and I miss him like crazy. In fact, the last time I have heard from him was one text 12 hours ago, then one text before that about 25 hours ago. So, not much communication at all. I am just not used to this. I really don't like it.

If you know me, you know I am an independent person. Throughout high school and most of college, I made it clear that I don't need a guy to define me. In all honesty, I am 100% fine without a guy in my life. However, Matt isn't just some guy. He is my guy. 

Matt is my better half. When I heard people say that when I was younger, I never listened. I never believed one person could make another person feel incomplete. That was before I met Matt. I have been extremely productive since he left, but I still feel like a piece of me is missing. It is especially hard when I can't even text him because he doesn't get cell phone service in Canada. 

I have to get used to this separation thing because I know we will be 5 hours apart for quite some time. This separation must be God's way of saying, "Kaila, you have to learn to make it on your own." If that is what is happening, I need to learn to branch out and do things differently. 

The craziest thing of all, is that the little things remind me of him. Almost like that feeling one gets when they just break up with someone and miss them dearly. I watched The Notebook by myself and cried through the parts where the main character reminded me of Matt. Not because it was sad, but because I miss Matt so dearly. At church today, I caught myself looking over and trying to say something to him and realized no one was there. Even in Sunday School, when I sat by Tyler Dobson, I looked over at him and realized he was no Matt.

A funny story about Tyler is that I lived with him 2 years ago after he graduated high school. While living together, he always tried to set me up with some of his friends. One friend he continually mentioned was named Matt Penner, but since Tyler brought his name up, there was absolutely NO WAY I was going to date this guy. I mean, come on, he is a year younger than me! Needless to say, Tyler was right about one thing: Matt actually was a GREAT guy. I just had to let my preconceived notions set aside and look at Matt for who he is and not who Tyler said he was. If Matt and I ever get married, I will never actually tell Tyler he was right about Matt because I don't want him to get a big head. Haha.

As you can tell, I am quite lonely and I am rambling. So I will get off of here and possibly get to bed early. That way I can be relaxed for a long week ahead. Good luck on a great week!

Graduation on the Brain

I was contacted by financial aid at Drake last weekend about graduating early. No, they didn't tell me that I should stay until May so they could get more money out of me. Instead, they decided I should graduate early to save money and because I can meet all my requirements by December.

Easier said then done. I need to get into ONE course that fulfills 3 of the six criteria I need to graduate. In essence, this is the JACKPOT of classes because it means I can take research and a marriage and family course for fun, instead of sacrificing those to take other courses I need. Additionally, it is a course that I purchased all the books for 2 semesters ago because I was scheduled to take it and it was dropped last minute. Haha.

Anyway, I am now patiently waiting to hear back from the professor to see if she would be willing to let me in her class. I now there is a very slim chance she will let me in, but a girl can dream, can't she?

You may be asking why I am so eager to graduate early. Well, here is a pro/con list of graduating early:

Pros

• Much cheaper - I'll save about $5,000 in tuition alone
• I am able to work full time from January through August 2013, which helps me earn more cash. In addition to this, I can be more settled in my job before going back to part-time during graduate school when I start back in August.
• I am able to move back home in December, saving even more money on rent
• Moving to Bolivar, MO also means I can be closer to Matt (5 hours in Des Moines versus 45 minutes in Bolivar).
• Have more time to apply for graduate school because I won't be in school when I apply (the apps are due anywhere from January to March of 2013).
• It will give me an 8 month break from school before starting graduate school.

Cons

• I have already promised to babysit for Hailey and Abby in the spring, which would not be possible if I graduate early and live down in MO
• My on-campus job is year-round, so it would force my boss to find someone new for the second semester
• My position in SIFE will be up for grabs during the second semester, which is a HUGE bummer 
• I am leaving Eryn to find a new roomie or figure out a new living arrangement

If you are reading this, can I ask something from you? I am desperate and I have no idea what is in store for me. The one thing I do know is that I need to follow God's will for my life. In other words, graduating early may just be an attractive idea, but not practical in God's eyes. Can I ask for your prayer to ask for God's will in my life and in this decision? I desperately need it in this time of need. 

I hope you had a great Sunday and God bless. :)

Half Canadian

The love of my life is in Calgary, Canada right now. No, he isn't ice fishing or whatever else Canadians typically do for fun. He is with his family visiting his mom's parents and family. 

This will be the longest time Matt and I have spent apart our entire relationship. Not only will he be gone for 10 days, but he doesn't get cell phone service, so calling and texting is sketchy. Needless to say, I have time to start blogging again. Why not, right?

I have never been to Canada, let alone anywhere else outside of the US. I feel like such a homebody sometimes. What is wrong with the US? Without going into governmental or political rants, I love the US. Even if it is all I know, I am aware that there are many worse places I could call my home. 

One day, I hope I too can go along with Matt's family to Canada, just to see all of the places he has talked about before. It also helps put a place to some of the things he has talked about before. 

Even though Matt disagrees, I call him "half Canadian" all of the time. If a person's mom is born in Canadian and his dad is born in the US, the child (Matt) is half Canadian...right? I'm pretty sure I'm right. However, his family is actually from Denmark like my family, so I'm not really sure what happened there. haha.

Well, I hope everyone is having a relaxing Saturday night. I should probably get off her and do something more productive, like reading a book or watching TV. Goodnight fellow Americans.