the Small Things in Life

I am blessed with the relationships in my life. Everything about interacting with others is fascinating to me. Meeting new people. Catching up with old friends. Spending time with newer friends.

What about the simple things in life that are amazing? A nice run on a brisk morning. A newly lit candle that smells like vanilla. Baking brownies on a rainy afternoon. Watching Modern Family or The Office every week. Being around those who share the same beliefs as me. I could go on and on.

Today was just an average day. I baked for Clarity, but other than that, just average. I was still in a daze from spending time with a certain someone yesterday, but that usually goes away within a day or so. But what made today so amazing was actually what happened after 8 p.m.

Clarity was amazing tonight. I had a wonderful time speaking honestly with fellow Christians who are dealing with the same things I am. We had such a great discussion tonight. I felt so comfortable sharing my heart, which is something that rarely happens to me. Not to mention, I learned about others who I didn't know much about.

I came back home, thinking I would go to bed and wake up for another day. Instead, I got a phone call from a friend who I dearly miss from home. I never thought I would miss someone so much that wasn't in my family, but I do. I am beginning to realize what friendship truly means. I want more days exactly like today. Beginning, middle and end. Well, throw in a job that I love and I'd have it all.

But that goes against what God wants for us. At Clarity, we talked about doing God's will instead of our own, which is one of the hardest things for me to do as a Christian. As with everyone else on this temporary home we call Earth, I am not perfect. I don't try to be. I try to live every day, every moment, for Christ, in hopes that someone's life will be changed because of it. That's all I ask.

Right on Track

I walked to campus from my apartment today, to gauge how long a walk to class will be next semester. With no stoplights, it was 15 solid minutes of walking. Since I have a tendency to be late and a tendency to attract all things that make me late -er, next semester will be a challenge.

I met with my Psychology advisor today and found out great news. I am right on track to graduate in 4 years! My final three semesters will consist of 15, 15 and 12 credit hours. Pretty nice! Of course, I will take more because that's the way I am, but the option is still nice.

This semester, however, is going to be a challenge for me. For one, I am enrolled in 17 credit hours so far. This consists of 3 upper level Psych classes, and 1 upper level marketing class. Included in the upper level psych classes is Psych Assessment. Why on earth do I like to challenge myself? This class will require waaaaay more out of me than any class so far. GRRRREEAAT. Oh Kaila.

On the bright side, I can still obtain my goal of making magna cum laude (3.9-4.0 gpa.) That's my goal for graduation. Two 3.8 semesters, two 4.0 semesters, so far, I am at the lower end. However, the next four semesters will be 4.0s and I'll have nothing to worry about. :)

My plans after college change constantly. Since this time last year, my mind has gone in this progression:

1. Work at an advertising firm working the marketing department
2. Get my MD to become a Psychiatrist
3. Bet my Ph.D to become a psychologist specializing in eating disorders
4. Get my MBA in Marketing and work in consumer behavior

One day, I'll find where God wants me. I feel like I'm getting further from what He wants for me, but what do I know? Ideally, I would LOVE to become a psychologist, but that means the next two years of college will be the worst two years of my life. I don't want that. I've already gone through the worst year of my life, I don't want another two.

Until next time, stay classy folks.

I'm a Big Kid Now

The last couple of days have been full of fun and firsts. My mom and dad came up on Friday and helped us move in. What an adventure that was! It was sprinkling all day, but that was so much better than blistering heat! It was so nice to see my parents again. We took them out to dinner Friday night and it was wonderful. I miss my parents more than I lead on. I feel like I grew up too quickly.

If you would have told me the day I left Missouri for college Freshman year would be the last time I'd live in Missouri, I'd say you were crazy. God works in unpredictable ways and I truly appreciate every surprise around the corner. Who knows what this summer alone will bring!

Sadly, my dad left Saturday afternoon and my mom left Monday morning, so the time was limited. I had a wonderful time with both parents, but it wasn't long enough. I'll be home for the 4th of July for a week or so to see my family again. I already can't wait!

Since my mom left on Monday, Eryn and I have organized our apartment and started decorating. Though it is pretty bare so far, it feels like home. It's a weird feeling knowing I am responsible for my life now; my food, shelter, clothing, everything. I pretty much did that since I got my first job at 16, my I always had my mom to bail me out if I needed it. Now, my name is on the lease and it's my responsibility. I can't believe it.

I have a couple more days off work and I am excited to have the time off. This semester was unnecessarily busy. I am looking forward to a couple days of relaxation. I cannot wait.

Goals for the summer:

1. Start and finish 5 books.
2. Run/train for my half-marathon in October.
3. Eat healthfully once again.
4. Spend more time with friends.
5. Spend more one-on-one time with God.

Well, that's all I have for now! More to come soon!

Life is Becoming More Real

A lot of things changed for me tonight. The first, Osama's death, marked a milestone for the United States. A couple of things have come from this. The first, that this is going to be an event where people ask one another, "where were you when you found out about Osama Bin Ladin's death?" I, personally, was in a vitaminwater AMA meeting finalizing our BIG presentation to Coke tomorrow.

The second thing that arises from this is fear. For me, fear for those who do not know Christ. I am realizing, day by day, that the end is near. Things like this, where the USA has found justice in a time of strife, is something that could mark the beginning of the end. It is scary to think of for myself as well, because I know I must change things in my life NOW.

I have not been devoted to my bible like I should be. Not at all. I am so distant from God right now that I cannot understand why I am still functioning. But that is changing RIGHT NOW. I have placed false idols (food, studying) in the way of worshiping and praising God. That is not what God wants for me or any of his children. He wants us to be disciples and spread his joyful message. He wants us to read His word so that we can develop that personal relationship with Him. He wants us to put Him first, because it is the least we can do for the sacrifices Jesus made on the cross for us.

So why is it soooooooo hard for me?

This, I must pray about. I must worship God to the fullest and learn to love others daily.

Love.

I have said this word to three people in my life: my mom, my dad, and my first love. I don't just throw this word around. But I see so many younger people today use it like it is their favorite color. I wish we would respect that word because it carries a great deal of emotion alongside it.

However,

God calls us to love one another. Love our enemies. And, I do not. I struggle loving my twin sister daily. Growing up, love was something I had to earn from my parents, thus others had to earn from me. That is not what God teaches. I am turning over a new leaf and going a week without verbalizing a single negative thing about another person. This is going to be tough, but it shouldn't be. If I am verbalizing bad things often, I am thinking about them even more. Baby steps.

Two Wins in One Week

What better way to celebrate a great day with a blog post?

The last couple of weeks have been crazy for me. Heck, spring break alone I did an average of three hours of homework a day. But it was worth it for a couple of reasons.

First off, we made it to nationals for SIFE. In fact, we did pretty well. Our presentation was wonderful and we had room to play with in our speech. Overall, a great way to start the week.

Then, yesterday, I gave two presentations in two of my psychology classes. The first one was a debate for my adolescence class, where my group chose the topic "teaching abstinence-based education in schools." I was con to the issue, because I wanted a challenge. I took the side of abstinence-only education with the argument of religion/morals backing it up. After our presentation, I was drilled with questions from the class. People brought up things from the Muslim religion, to differing morals, to all sorts of things. It didn't phase me.

Now, I don't believe abstinence-only education should be taught in schools. I think it leaves students uninformed and with no other option. However, I do believe abstinence is the only way and I strongly agree my faith is what backs up that belief. I do feel everyone should agree with me, because it is based on Christianity, but I know not everyone is a Christian. If you were to sample my adolescence class, I'd be surprised if I wasn't the only Christian by the comments I received.

Sometimes, the minority opinion is the one that has the best results at the end of the road. In this case, that is 100% true.

A Kid in a Candy Store

A couple of evenings ago, I began taking notes of the Eating Disorders chapter in my Abnormal Psych book. 2 hours later, I realized I was still totally wrapped up in a textbook. A textbook! But I couldn't help it; I was so interested in that chapter that I didn't realize I had spent so long reading it.

Today, we went over this material in class. Sitting in the row, like usual, I became 100% interested in what we were discussing. How can everyone not find this disorder fascinating like I do?

My professor asked us to raise our hands if we had ever heard of a pro-ana site. Of course I have, it's a pro-anorexia site where girls can go to get advice on how to become "better anorexics." No one raised their hands, and I knew no one would. I knew I was the only one who could possibly know what that is. The only one who researches eating disorders for fun.

She showed the class one of the pro-ana sites. I had never seen this one before, though. It was talking about anorexia and how it becomes a religion to those who get wrapped up in it. The class was laughing at the references and tactics the webmaster used to describe her disease. However, it was not funny. At least, it wasn't funny to me.

I realize no one else in the class has probably had an eating disorder. I realize no one understands how hard it is deal with a disease like this everyday. No one understands how hard it is to see food as an enemy but still have to face that enemy daily in order to survive. This is reality for some women (and men) but others don't see it.

I can't wait until the day when I can help those who are suffering like I once did. I thank God everday that I didn't follow down that path as long as others have. I had the support of my best friend and, unfortunately, partner in crime. But we got through it together with love and support.

1 Corinthians 10:13 - "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

Guys and Dolls

Why are guys easier to be around than girls? Is it because they simply don't care? Or is it that girls may be just too "girly"? At any rate, I had an unfortunate realization yesterday: I just don't know how to hang out with girls. I have no idea what to talk about besides guys and clothes.

There is so much more to life than just girly things. Like the fact that the final round of the Australian Open is playing this evening with Djokovic. Or the fact that God knows how to bless those who notice. The fact that it is 65 degrees back home and my mom is loving the weather. There are just so many other great things to life that I refuse to hold myself back.

Tonight Susan, Eryn, Kody, and I are going to International Night on campus. It sounds like a great opportunity to learn about different cultures.

I'm currently listening to Jump5 and a song I haven't heard in ages is on. I love the words in the chorus:

"I love you too much. I love you just the way you are. I love you too much to ever let you down. I love you too much. You know I wanna wrap my heart around you. I love you too much to ever let you go.'

This is God speaking to us. How we can constantly screw up and He still unconditionally loves us. I look forward to the day when I can feel this about someone else. We can share our lives together while we share our time here on Earth.